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Notes01/13/2019
FlirtyFlower
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FlirtyFlower
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Illuminati - The bookshelf
You know, it's not the first time I've been abandoned.
But it is the first time that I leave someone, although I still love him with all my heart.
Well, when a colleague at work crosses my way in the hallway, I have the feeling that someone has turned off the light in her eyes. The glow, the life, the unbearable lightness of being. Her look reminds not only of a zombie, but also of a person with intestinal obstruction.
But what had happened that everything came so far?
When I then stand in front of my fragrance shelf in the evening, I am almost captured by a moral fragrance hangover when I meet Gucci Accenti, one of my former faithful fragrance companions again.
What was it like when I was a little punk? I sprayed myself with everything. Only these vintage scents were so strong back then that you could get the feeling of being gassed by this atomic bomb situation.
But with the spraying of this fragrance suddenly other memories come to me.
Tonka bean, I can only say. But I had forgotten for years how tonka bean smelled at all... It's kind of powdery, fruity, and then there's this vintage touch. But how do you explain vintage as a fragrance?
Like a bad omen, I also remember W.H. Auden's funeral blues from my bookshelf:
Stop all clocks,
Unplug the phone.
Let the dog be silent,
The barking bone eats.
Let the pianos be silent.
And make the drums beat.
Let the mourners come now,
Carry out the coffin.
Circle planes
lamenting in the sunset.
Writing to the sky
He's dead.
He was north to me, south to me,
with East and West.
Sunday's rest
And the week's stress.
My conversation, my song,
My day, my night.
I thought love lasted forever:
Wrong thought.
You stars are now undesirable,
Deletes everyone from it.
Covers the moon
And tear down the sun'.
Sweeps everything down
And pouring out of the ocean,
Because now nothing becomes the way it was
Never again good
(W.H. Auden)
Phew, I printed that out once when I left someone 20 years ago when I was jealous...
Somehow I feel a sting in my heart and I notice that I am the real devil of this story here.
Somehow I have to think of a few lines from Dan Brown's book Illuminati. But that's exactly what I don't have on my bookshelf anymore. And I'll ask a colleague to pick out that quote. And he actually does.
He even prints it out for himself and reads it aloud to me before hiding it in his drawer:
"Remember!" she said to herself. "Remember the solution to this task!" It was a trick from Buddhist philosophy. Instead of making her mind search for a solution to a potentially insoluble challenge, Vittoria tried to simply remember the solution.
The premise that one had known the answer once created the conviction that an answer actually existed... and eliminated the feeling of hopelessness. Vittoria often used this trick to address scientific problems that most people believed there was no solution for.
The scent, which I also wear on this day, has meanwhile taken on an expensive, powdery foam bath note. And as in Dr. Proctor's time bathtub I dive down and land again in another time, at my old self.
When I was young and wore just this scent, I learned one thing that would change my whole life.
You can never find anything in the outer world that we don't carry within ourselves. No one else can give us happiness if we do not create and feel it within ourselves. Besides, you can't change anyone else in this world except yourself
And I decided to do what I had promised myself as a young woman. Make my dream come true.
I'll start right away next week.
Because no matter what. What would you do if you discovered that you only had this one life?
EPILOG
"Know that one day your pain will become your cure." Rumi
But it is the first time that I leave someone, although I still love him with all my heart.
Well, when a colleague at work crosses my way in the hallway, I have the feeling that someone has turned off the light in her eyes. The glow, the life, the unbearable lightness of being. Her look reminds not only of a zombie, but also of a person with intestinal obstruction.
But what had happened that everything came so far?
When I then stand in front of my fragrance shelf in the evening, I am almost captured by a moral fragrance hangover when I meet Gucci Accenti, one of my former faithful fragrance companions again.
What was it like when I was a little punk? I sprayed myself with everything. Only these vintage scents were so strong back then that you could get the feeling of being gassed by this atomic bomb situation.
But with the spraying of this fragrance suddenly other memories come to me.
Tonka bean, I can only say. But I had forgotten for years how tonka bean smelled at all... It's kind of powdery, fruity, and then there's this vintage touch. But how do you explain vintage as a fragrance?
Like a bad omen, I also remember W.H. Auden's funeral blues from my bookshelf:
Stop all clocks,
Unplug the phone.
Let the dog be silent,
The barking bone eats.
Let the pianos be silent.
And make the drums beat.
Let the mourners come now,
Carry out the coffin.
Circle planes
lamenting in the sunset.
Writing to the sky
He's dead.
He was north to me, south to me,
with East and West.
Sunday's rest
And the week's stress.
My conversation, my song,
My day, my night.
I thought love lasted forever:
Wrong thought.
You stars are now undesirable,
Deletes everyone from it.
Covers the moon
And tear down the sun'.
Sweeps everything down
And pouring out of the ocean,
Because now nothing becomes the way it was
Never again good
(W.H. Auden)
Phew, I printed that out once when I left someone 20 years ago when I was jealous...
Somehow I feel a sting in my heart and I notice that I am the real devil of this story here.
Somehow I have to think of a few lines from Dan Brown's book Illuminati. But that's exactly what I don't have on my bookshelf anymore. And I'll ask a colleague to pick out that quote. And he actually does.
He even prints it out for himself and reads it aloud to me before hiding it in his drawer:
"Remember!" she said to herself. "Remember the solution to this task!" It was a trick from Buddhist philosophy. Instead of making her mind search for a solution to a potentially insoluble challenge, Vittoria tried to simply remember the solution.
The premise that one had known the answer once created the conviction that an answer actually existed... and eliminated the feeling of hopelessness. Vittoria often used this trick to address scientific problems that most people believed there was no solution for.
The scent, which I also wear on this day, has meanwhile taken on an expensive, powdery foam bath note. And as in Dr. Proctor's time bathtub I dive down and land again in another time, at my old self.
When I was young and wore just this scent, I learned one thing that would change my whole life.
You can never find anything in the outer world that we don't carry within ourselves. No one else can give us happiness if we do not create and feel it within ourselves. Besides, you can't change anyone else in this world except yourself
And I decided to do what I had promised myself as a young woman. Make my dream come true.
I'll start right away next week.
Because no matter what. What would you do if you discovered that you only had this one life?
EPILOG
"Know that one day your pain will become your cure." Rumi
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