Dark Temptation Axe 2010 Eau de Toilette

"The production of a synthetic fragrance that reliably unfolds its aroma for hours like an unstoppable tank, without having to rely too much on natural additives, has been an old dream of humanity. Until today, it was considered largely unattainable.
As I said - until today, because science has now achieved a decisive breakthrough in the creation of such a fragrance.
That’s why we are visiting today the macromolecular olfactory laboratory of the Jürgen-Koppelin Foundation, which was relocated from the city center of Stenkelfeld to Schmöllerheide after several severe explosions.
Standing next to me is Professor Dr. Soettmöller, an internationally renowned lecturer in experimental and applied groundwater physics, who will now explain to our listeners the connection between simple physical processes and the quality control of a synthetically produced fragrance using a vivid example."

"Well, nothing! I don’t want to explain that to you at all!"

"Oh, really...?"

"Your listeners won’t understand it anyway! When they look into our fermentation tanks, they only see a murky sludge and don’t understand why it can become a fragrant and highly popular essence!"

"But some might understand it, Professor Soettmöller. How could one recognize the quality of the produced fragrance at such an early stage?"

"Yeeess... well, basically there are two important characteristics for a successful composition. One is the quality of squirrel urine, by the way, a very important component of our new collection, and the other is the pre-digested oak bark by yellow-billed swamp wrens, which, after adding ethylene obscurwolyprylate and trichloroic acid oxide, smells very naturally of pear and sage.
But most people don’t know that at all!"

"Certainly not, no... what connections are there?"

"Ah, those are complicated matters, hmnäääch, they are closely related to the downward-directed lime pressure of biconcave groundwater vaults; this, in turn, affects the urine consistency of large rodents and birds with left-turning lime synthesis during beak formation, and so on and so forth... so I would say - this is really none of your business!"

"Pardon?"

"I don’t care what you say! You just want another sensational topic for your rock and roll station! Media brat!"

"No, no, Professor Soettmöller, we want to make it generally understandable here as part of our service week 'Fragrance or Not, Here’s How to Tell the Difference'..."

"Alright, then let me explain how you should imagine our not entirely harmless work here. First, we set up chemically treated residues in large fermentation tanks, which we take from the yellow bin. There is a very close collaboration with the Dual System, you know. Through a repeated laterally sclerotic underpressure flushing with phosphoric acid methyl aniline barbiturate and a gentle heat treatment with pseudoleukocytosin and nitric acid, not only are the last organic molecules practically broken out, but also annoying components like old price tags and supermarket labels are removed. The resulting gray-brown sludge is largely odorless, which allows for dilution to the desired extent as well as processing with olfactorily enhancing additives."

"Yes... uääähhh... that sounds somehow..."

"I sense your objections. But the pretense of natural substances like elderflower, ginger, and vanilla or even pear and coriander is based precisely on strictly controlled HTML protocols with an imposed Java architecture that is diamond-binary matrixed. From an economic perspective, it cannot be done any other way. What do you think ginger and vanilla cost? Or how expensive patchouli is on the world market?!"

"Ah yes... now you’re boasting, Professor Soettmöller, that this new fragrance is supposed to contain aromas of cream and chocolate. How do these fragrance notes get into the product?"

"Well... that’s where the squirrel urine mentioned at the beginning comes into play. It is stretched with propane-II-butanoic acid and diphenylamine plastic substrate until the desired aroma effect occurs. And let’s be honest - the young people who pour this sludge on their necks don’t even know what chocolate smells like! What they think is chocolate is also produced here with us. It’s the so-called solid residues left over from fragrance production. They are then dyed brown with synthoplast substrate and wrapped in a nice package and delivered to local grocery stores. We label them as organic chocolate, so no one is surprised that it tastes so strange."

"Uhhhh... uh... I mean... thank you very much, Professor Soettmöller, for this information. One last question - how did you come up with the name 'Dark Temptation' for the fragrance created by your lab?"

"Well, that was the charming idea of our Miss Doergenberg-Herkenrötter, you know, one of our lab assistants. Given the base color of the mass produced during the lateral chlorbidorsalmethyl autosynthesis, she was tempted to resign from her position here in the lab. In the end, she didn’t do it, but I would say, it was a close call."

"Ah yes... well, Professor Soettmöller, I am sure that our listeners will look at the cosmetic products from your lab with completely different eyes in the future. And with these impressions, back to the studio..."