Oud for Happiness Initio 2021

When Tshajbukoshka wonders where in life he took a wrong turn and simultaneously realizes that the number of his moves corresponds to the number of his years lived, with half of the former occurring before his tenth birthday, he turns 30 tomorrow and seriously thought one could trust the QVC of the 21st century for recommendations, thaaaaaaen he must whine and rant, and that’s what he does here.
Enemies of meta-descriptions and digressions, beware, because Tshajbukoshka is still let loose on the public:
Oud for Happiness approached Tshajbukoshka in the form of a fanciful encounter, specifically: Dracotok 2020. Hands down, you were there too. And if you weren’t, at some point you had a crush that you’re ashamed of today - or maybe not. Salem clicks his tongue and puts the kettle on. So, Tshajbukoshka and Draco Malfoy, thanks to Alfonso Cuaron - or damn it, depending on your perspective.
How Draco Malfoy is supposed to smell: sophisticated, elegant, skillful, without trying too hard, hashtag Old Money, a bit of a Bad Boy, morally gray and (sorrynotsorry) uuuuunbelievably good-looking, at least in the universes of AO3/Fanfiction and Booktok.
Someone probably came up with this who secretly worked in marketing at Initio or has some unresolved issues with the Draco Malfoys of this world, because
Draco would NEVER use a sledgehammer as perfume, what is going on? Ginger hits you like foster mother number four (too bad, we would have loved to sing a round of Mambo No. 5 right now, more on that shortly), roaring in your face after you’ve eaten her favorite pudding, so that you know exactly what she had for lunch today and when she last brushed her teeth. Tshajbukoshka also claims that he can narrow down a person’s age by their bad breath - is that true? Or is it more about counting wrinkles?
Waaaaruuum like this? Um, yeah. We briefly speculate: deterrence, demonstration of dominance… vaffanculo, Mister DLM doesn’t need that at all? Why so unfriendly, sharp, and… straw-dry?
He shows that he’s not to be trifled with and presents himself from a striking side. Not for the faint of heart, who would have thought! Since when is Oud so dry, so close to bursting into flames on a hot day? Huh? Is this still Oud or can it be used as firewood? Sparks are literally flying here, but neither in insight nor enlightenment.
Confusion spreads in the Tshajbuverse. Salem is not amused. Even the impression of licorice (we love it, we agree with Cimi) doesn’t save us.
Mambo No. 5 sounds like a not too far-fetched reference, because apparently one must bring a lot of self-confidence and a corresponding presence to not drown in Oud for Happiness and to attract a few Jessicas, Ericas, or just people who don’t want to hit you over the head with a frying pan and impose an endless ban on you - because you always get what you radiate. Or something like that.
Mister OFH (!= DLM) has a stuffy, almost suffocating presence, so we remain curious about what kind of resonance will come our way.
The only thing that fits here with Draco Malfoy is the design of the bottle, and even this reference is so clumsy and cliché that Salem and I have unanimously decided that Draco Malfoy doesn’t use perfume to avoid confusing the migratory birds (save the planet), since he’s always flying around on his broom and all. Nevertheless, the bottle is practically Grande Amore, looks good, is heavy and pretty and all that, and Salem...? He has always said that only Nivea is sold on TikTok and Tshajbukoshka takes them all.
At this point, a toast to the souk, which spared us the shame of a blind buy.