Aqua Vitae Maison Francis Kurkdjian 2013

Documentation in one act
Location: Emergency Room, somewhere
Time: 4:45 PM to 5:30 PM
Persons: Dr. Clooney, Nurse 1, Nurse 2, Caregiver 1, Caregiver 2,

Announcement:
Dr. Clooney please URGENTLY to the emergency room …… Dr. Clooney, please URGENTLY to the emergency room ………… Dr. Clooney please …………
.
“Hello kids, here I am. Sorry, I was still at the gyn. So, what do we have here?”
“Name Vitae, Aqua; 6 months old, father Francis Kurkdjian, mother unknown, gender unclear.”
“Legally or privately?”
“Very private, it costs quite a bit.”
“Okay, what’s wrong with it?”
“Still unclear, was brought in by relatives.”
“And?”
“No idea, they just said it wasn’t doing so well. They’ve had the feeling a few times that it’s done for.”
“Well, let’s see. It would be a shame if we couldn’t get it back on its feet, with that name?!”
.
“Hello, Aqua, Vitae …..uh …. what is actually its first and last name?”
“Pfff …… no idea.”
“Hello Mr. - Mrs. Vitae .. can you understand me? .. Do you have any pain? …… Hello?”
“Either deaf or dead.”
“No jokes please. What do the vital signs say?”
“Vital signs? I don’t want to be a pessimist, but to me, it looks a bit pale around the nose.”
“Pulse and blood pressure?”
“Very weak, I can barely measure it. And I can only get a sinus curve if I do ‘paint by numbers’.”
“Oxygen saturation?”
“Well, let’s just say: smoking shouldn’t be on the agenda right now.”
“Is the lab result in yet?”
“No, not that quickly?!”
.
“Okay, let’s go, we need to get to work! Nurse: Activate the spray mechanism! On 3, 2, 1 …”
…………………………………………………………Pppffffhhhhhhhhhhh ……………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
“And?”
“Hmm…………… Lemon, right?”
“Yeah, lemon, I would say.”
“Where? I smell nothing.”
“There!”
“Where?”
“Well there! You have to get really close.”
“Aha: yeah, quite nice.”
“Or did the cleaning lady leave something behind again?”
“No, no, that’s definitely it.”
“What does the EKG say?”
“Well, a heartbeat looks different somehow.”
“So for me, it’s tangerine!”
“No, lemon ………… and vanilla!”
“It smells good.”
“I must insist, it’s nice!”
“Yeah nice … but it’s not that great.”
“But somehow creamy, right? Like the ice balls at my Italian place.”
“Is there anything else coming?”
…………………………………………
“No, just this lemon cream.”
“Tangerine!”
“Yeah, yeah, it doesn’t matter now.”
.
“Well, kids, I would say it’s alive … so kind of … off to the monitoring station with it, it’ll be out in 3 days, I’ll be back on the VIII.”
“So for me, it stays tangerine.”
“No, lemon!”
“Hello?! I said: Off to the monitoring station, if I may!”
“Yeah, yeah …… ”
.
“Friends, I don’t want to disturb your party, but our lemon cream ball is just about to crash!”
“What, already, after 45 minutes?”
“Well, my monitor is dark. Probably more Aqua than Vitae.”
“Okay, emergency program. Resuscitate. Please step back. 3…2…1… and ………………………
Pulse?”
“Negative ………… or wait ………….. no, never mind.”
“We’re losing it!”
“I think it’s wheezing.”
“Man, that’s the air conditioning!”
“Okay, no panic: chest compressions …… and 1, and 2 and 3 …… 3 mg of atropine to draw!
And again the defibrillator please …… Please step back … And 3…2…… 1… and …”
.............................................................................
“Damn.”
“That’s it.”
“Sometimes you lose, sometimes the other wins.”
“Such a shame about the nice tangerine.”
“Lemon!”
“Okay friends, everyone listen up: there’s no reason to be down. We all did our best. Sometimes it just is that way. Who’s handling the paperwork? I’ll be back on the VIII.”
.
“Guys, I’ll order us something from the ice cream parlor later. Want anything?”
“Oh yes, for me please a spaghetti ice .. but with lots of sauce.”
“I’ll take a banana flip! Or do they have shakes too?”
“I think so.”
“Then I’ll take … uh …. tangerine!”
“For me please also a shake, but please: lemon!”
“And doctor, anything for you?”
.
“Yeah, I don’t care, order something. Just please no squeaky fruits, no fruit. I can’t take all these lifeless lemon creams anymore. I need something honest with flavor and with a bit …………… with a bit of pulse …………. Something alive!”