Sandalwood Taylor of Old Bond Street Cologne

It was a terrible yet familiar sound that was coming from behind the auction podium at Sotheby’s. It sounded like the shredder in his office. As an expert in art forgeries, he had one of those devices on Jermyn Street as well. On his carefully polished brass plaque on the old oak door, it read in Times font: James T. Bond - Art & Crime - Official Expert.

Today was his day off, and instead of going to the office, he stopped by Taylor of Old Bond Street to stock up. The delicious Sandalwood Cologne was running low. Initially, he had only applied it fleetingly, but now he couldn't get enough of it. This spicy-fresh scent with the best sandalwood note he knew. Even in the store, he spritzed himself with it, knowing that the delightful liquid would lose some intensity by the time he took his seat in the Sotheby’s hall. New Bond Street, where Sotheby’s was located, was only 8 minutes away; he had tested that often as a regular and well-liked expert. He wished the seller a friendly “Let’s project” in the style of Mr. Smelly’s Fragrance Reviews. And out he went.

Buttoning up his tailored waistcoat took exactly ten seconds in the morning. The shredding noise at Sotheby’s lasted about ten seconds as well. Before the horrified eyes of the audience, the painting “Girl with Balloon” by Banksy, which had just been auctioned for 1.2 million euros, began to move, rushing through the hidden paper shredder embedded in the gold brocade frame until only a red balloon was left visible. Then the shredder stopped - and everyone present held their breath.

Bond thought two things: I will have to rename the painting for my investigation, which I will likely have to conduct. The working title will be “Love is in the bin - love is in the bin.” Because he had liked the graphic so far, as it reminded him of the title and album cover of Blur’s “Good Song,” which goes:

“Waiting, got no town to hide in
The country's got a hold of my soul
TV's dead and there ain't no war in my head, no
And you seem very beautiful to me…”

That also fit with the remaining part of the graphic, whose lower half hung down in the form of closely fitting paper strips, looking somewhat sad. Like test strips for perfume, ready to tear off.

The second thing he thought: Quite expensive test strips, but somehow cool. That Banksy, the old gangster, he really came up with something again. Critique of the art market at its finest, 1.2 million won, just as quickly gone. Or rather, cut up, haha.

The effect of the Sandalwood Cologne had also faded just in time for the end of the shredding; he liked this reliability. This way, he could almost go unnoticed, better un-smelled, to the extremely attractive managing director of Sotheby’s, where they were already expecting him: “Mister Bond, we have a job for you. Was everything above board, what do you think? And what scent are you wearing today, I like it.” Bond glanced up briefly: “We will investigate both.” And the scent lasts longer than he thought, he thought somewhat embarrassed. “Were you in the know? Did you know what was going to happen today?”

She looked directly and long into his eyes: “You never know, Mr. Bond.” And she sent him off with a charming smile and a deep breath in his direction.

Song for the scent:
https://youtu.be/VRrJugyk1Yw