Patchouli Dark Wave Teufelsküche

Malefactus E. Fistofeles was seething with rage. In his upper pair of hands, he held a small vial that nearly disappeared in his powerful claws and seemed ready to burst at any moment. His lower pair of hands was crossed behind his back, fingers gripping each other so tightly that the muscles in his upper arms bulged.

"Diavolo!!!"

"Yes, sir, I'm here!" The one called approached, deeply bowed, hardly daring to look up.

"Diavolo, what is this? What did your devil's kitchen send me earlier?"

"Sir… uh… I don't understand… You said it should smell somewhat like the first hours of 'Oud Imperial' by Perris, but it had to be cheaper. So I took the darkest patchouli, more malty than earthy. Look how brown it is! And smell it, it also smells like bitter digestif, doesn't it? To be honest, there's a shot of that in there, it was cheaper than..."

The Lord of Hell looked as if he was about to explode. If someone were to shove a pressure relief valve with a whistle into his ear, he would toot like a steam locomotive, Diavolo thought. At any time, in any place, with any counterpart, this thought would have been amusing. Just not here and now - in the presence of the Horned One.

"And I thought just patchouli would be enough," Diavolo continued with growing despair. "I didn't want to bother the Nephilim with the harvesting either. After all, we still wrote 'gothic' on it and rounded it off with a hint of musk, but kept the overall effort as low as possible. The new cost control in light of declining sales at the Academy of Fear and Darkness... You ordered it yourself!"

The lizard-like eyes of His Most Illustrious Cruelty, who was also the director of that very academy, narrowed more and more. Diavolo was now certain he had irrevocably sealed his fate and feared the punishment of being sent back to the upper world, possibly even to the scent testing department of Hugo Boss. This thought made him cower on the ground like a whimpering wreck:

"And you said Dark Wave could be a bit flabbier than Oud Imperial. It would also be fine if the sillage noticeably decreased from late morning. Forgive me, sir! I thought the scent was successful and affordable. All the requirements have been met... Don't punish me! Please!!!"

Malefactus E. Fistofeles was silent for a few moments. Then: "Yes. Yes! YES! I've said everything. You've done everything. Well thought! Well done! But: Why in the hell's name did you let Neptune pee in the top note?"