Myrrhder TSVGA 2020

'The Roast Rebel 5000 is the latest high-life-style coffee roaster on the market! Fully automatic, fully connected, controllable via Bluetooth or the Internet, with a stainless steel drum for 5 kg of green coffee per roast. 5000 watts of power and a rotation speed of up to 4500 rpm...'
'I'm not quite sure if that's almost too big for home use...'
'Nonsense, once you've roasted your own coffee, you'll never want any other coffee again; you can never have enough power! Let me demonstrate this briefly. Here in the drum goes the roasting material...'
'What are those brown pieces next to the coffee beans?'
'I see you're very observant, good! Those are fine resins from Cambodia, India, and South America. They give the bean mixture the final touch.'
'Oh, that's interesting; I always use the instant one from Caro...'
'My dear, after today you surely won't want your healthy country coffee anymore, I promise you that! Just one more spoonful of this and we can get started...'
'And what is that again?'
'That's a secret spice blend that makes the coffee experience truly full and round; you will be thrilled! Now, lock the drum lid, and we can get started: let's begin with the Pike Place Medium Roast.'
'That smells delicious, just like at Grandma's, she always had Jacobs Krönung...'
'Good lady, we can surely top that! Let's go straight for the Black Power Mokkashock...'
'I think something is starting to smoke.'
'That's how it should be! However, if you have problems with the neighbors, there is also an accessory cyclone attachment with an active filter unit. To round it off, we will add a handful of candied fine wood chips; you will be amazed!'
'But it's really smoking a lot and smells a bit burnt!'
'Wrong! The Roast Rebel 5000 produces the good roasting aromas; that's exactly what we want! Could you please turn off the smoke detector? The noise is quite disturbing the demonstration...'
'Does the flames belong to this too...?'

At a sales event for a coffee roaster, a room fire occurred today around 3 PM. The attempt to extinguish the burning machine with a bottle of Amaretto significantly facilitated the spread of the fire. Fortunately, the fire department, which was alerted immediately, arrived quickly on the scene and was able to prevent further spreading of the fire to surrounding apartments. The resulting property damage is considerable. No one was harmed.

----------------------

I find the Myrrhder extremely amusing. For me, it starts with one of the most distinct coffee notes I've smelled so far, most comparable to Follow by Kerosene, and that's despite there being no coffee in it. It is a coffee born from resins and spices that you wouldn't recognize individually, but together they create coffee. And this coffee is really sweet and has a good splash of Amaretto in it. Quite liqueur-like and slightly nutty in aroma. As if that weren't enough, there's also a caramel-like note, and it smokes lightly as if the caramel is burnt. Balsamic notes from the benzoin are also recognizable, but fortunately no vanilla.
This mixture lasts relatively long (2-3 hours) before slowly woody notes come in, probably from the oud and sandalwood, which I don't recognize as such (certainly not Mysore, no glue in sight). The whole mixture remains smoky, but not very strong.
Only in the base does the oud come through more clearly, dry-woody and relatively spicy. And only now do I recognize the namesake myrrh as such, even though it has surely been there from the beginning. Overall, the Myrrhder is a very dense scent that doesn't like to reveal its ingredients.
One could say that this is all just nonsense, but I think it's quite an achievement to conjure a genuine coffee scent from such completely non-coffee-like ingredients. I also pondered for a long time how to pronounce it until I found the pronunciation button (great thing!) and let's just say: the wordplay becomes clear through that, but it doesn't get any better. The Myrrhder doesn't want to commit murder, and I dare to predict that no one will commit murder because of it.
The scent is definitely funnier, and if I enjoyed smelling like very sweet, slightly burnt coffee, then this would be one for me! Of course, I don't...