Oud Burmi Al Waseef

I urgently needed a break. The excesses of student life in the city were really getting to me. Moral decay, immorality, intoxication, excesses, and ecstasy, I had wallowed in them and enjoyed them to the fullest. But now, after two years, I simply needed distance; otherwise, I would break apart, that was certain.

So I went to the alpine pasture for half a year, nature, taking care of the animals, distance. Just me and my books and no distractions. The alpine pasture was dreamily situated on a plateau. A simple hut with a living kitchen, a small sleeping chamber, and the barn. I had five cows and a few chickens.
“Even a student from the city can manage this!” said the farmer as a farewell. (1)
“And watch out for Zenzi, she’s wild!” he called after me. (2)
I didn’t know what a Zenzi was. I didn’t think much of it. And yes, I would manage and enjoy it, that was my intention. The first step into the barn was, however, a shock: the stench of urine and animal dung hit me like a fist in the stomach. Along with the smell of the cows, I was momentarily stunned. But I managed to drive the animals to the meadow and clean out the barn without throwing up. A good start, I thought!
Later that day, I also learned what a Zenzi was. She was my neighbor from the alpine pasture, 100 meters higher up the slope. She came puffing and sweating down in all her fullness and greeted me more warmly than I found appropriate.
“So you’re the young man from the city, huh? Come here, let me have a look at you!” (3)
Unfortunately, she smelled a bit like the barn I had just cleaned out. I stepped back a few paces and was able to quickly end the conversation. However, she came by at least once every day, helped me with milking, cheese-making, and showed me many things I didn’t know about life on the alpine pasture. I was grateful to her but also felt that she sought my company a bit too much.
Then yesterday it happened. She came with a bottle of schnapps and wouldn’t take no for an answer when I said I was abstinent. Soon we were sitting at the kitchen table drinking.
“And how does my gentian taste?” (4)
At that point, I had to agree, even though or because it was already affecting me a bit.
“Come a bit closer, boy, you don’t need to be afraid, I won’t bite! Just a little, if you like!” (5)
Her barn smell was distinctly noticeable under the sweat. Animalistic and lustful, but it didn’t bother me as much anymore. She moved even closer to me. I could feel her steaming warmth.
“You can touch me a bit, boy, it won’t bother me!” (6)

After that, I remember nothing until I woke up in the chamber, half-buried by her powerful body. Her breath smelled sour from cheap wine and schnapps. Ashamed, I wanted to sneak away, but she woke up and said something like “You’re awake again, so let’s do it one more time” (7) and what happened next, I don’t want to talk about...

Now it’s getting light outside and she’s snoring loudly next to me. Just 5 more minutes and I’ll try to escape again. Back to the city, to the excesses that now seem to me like a harmless children’s song after this night.

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The cow barn smell that has been described many times here is fortunately only present at the beginning of Oud Burmi. Dung, urine, slurry describes it quite well. Along with that, there’s also a sour-alcoholic note. It reminds me of stale wine and a hint of cheap cognac. The remnants of a party the next morning, or rather noon. A strong animalic scent is noticeable from the start and becomes even stronger over time. The smell of leather comes in, which I don’t find unpleasant at all. By this time, the slurry from the start has fortunately dissipated. A light smell of dark, rather rotten wood also adds to it. This is how it slowly fades away. The longevity is quite good, 7-8 hours. The silage has potential for annoyance in the first hour but then recedes a bit.
I don’t find Oud Burmi nearly as bad as some have described. However, that still doesn’t make it a good scent and definitely nothing I would want to wear or smell on someone.
I will bury the test strip as fertilizer in the flower bed in the garden; maybe that’s an alternative use for this scent...

Thanks to the funny dairymaid Gandix, who has absolutely nothing to do with this story!

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Translations from Bavarian (provided by Google Ireland Limited):
(1) This is an easy task, even a delicate student from the city can handle it well.
(2) And watch out for Zenzi, she’s quite wild and impetuous.
(3) You must be the young man from the city, right? So come closer and let yourself be seen in the light!
(4) Don’t you find my spirit made from the roots of the mountain gentian, the most beautiful flower, indeed the epitome of the Alps, very tasty?
(5) You can come a bit closer, you handsome young man, I won’t bite! Maybe just nibble a little if you like it!
(6) You’re welcome to touch me sensually, you young god, I won’t resist!
(7) - no translation possible, non-youth-friendly content detected -