Signature - Oud Wood & Dark Vanilla Axe 2016

This is how it is said at the end of 'Always look on the bright side of life', that legendary song by Monty Python, with which the British comedians conclude their most famous film 'Life of Brian' singing and whistling.

That Unilever's brand Axe - specialized in personal care products (and advertising messages) of limited subtlety - suddenly wants to present itself and be understood as a manufacturer of perfumes requires a certain degree of open-mindedness (and humor). And even though I do not belong to their target audience - the currently ubiquitous large-format poster campaign, including the chosen models and their message, makes that clear - curiosity was enough for a personal trial. And hey - 'Oud Wood & Dark Vanilla' - how wrong can it go?

Quite wrong. Guys, come on - this is not a perfume, not by any stretch of the imagination, this is a deodorant. The whole architecture of this product is that of a deodorant, starting with the metallic spray bottle to the barely hinted development of fragrance notes or their arrangement, down to the nonexistent longevity and sillage - both attributes I almost never complain about. I would gladly write that Oud Wood & Dark Vanilla (the name similarity with Tom Ford is not without a certain chutzpah that one must almost acknowledge) uses only the cheapest derivative of each of its ingredients, but it’s not even that. Nothing about Oud Wood & Dark Vanilla was in the same room for even a moment with Oud, with Wood, or with Vanilla, let alone with 'Clary Sage Absolute'. There is an annoyingly industrial sweet warmth, and then it’s over. Which can hardly be lamented.

It costs virtually nothing, that’s true. But if I sell a product as a perfume, I must sell a perfume. I have never understood a low price as a justification for poor performance. Axe's Oud Wood & Dark Vanilla shows how absurd that is.

Conclusion, referring to Monty Python's quote: expected nothing. Delivered nothing. Lost nothing.