English Pear & Freesia Jo Malone 2010 Cologne

Tshajbukoshka: Props go out to Jo Malone for the theme misalignment regarding the pear.
Salem: Props go out to Jo Malone for the fact that Tshajbukoshka has showered twice today. That's unbelievable!
Tshajbukoshka: Yes :‘).
Salem: I've always said there's something off about this Tshajbuvieh, but let's go back to the beginning. Tshajbukoshka wanted to quickly buy something for a bachelorette party. However, it wouldn't tell me if there was a pharmacy inside and if it was calming medication, wake-up pills, or half the candy department. The first proper bachelorette party.
Tshajbukoshka: May there not be many more like it.
Tshajbukoshka: It had been raining heavily all day.
Salem: Nobody asked you. Ksch. Maybe you should shower a third time while I finish my story.
Tshajbukoshka: There was this - OH MY GOD - cutie with those sad, sweet eyes! He was so big and sweet and… aaaaaaaaw. Hearts, hearts, hearts!
Salem: What the whole world imagines under a 'cutie'… (points to himself, a black cat)… clearly differs from what Tshajbukoshka imagines under a 'cutie'.
Tshajbukoshka: I took a picture of him, he was so adorable! (https://www.parfumo.de/Benutzer/4ajbukoshka/Bild/209049)
Salem: We know, she's obsessed with stinky creatures. So this 'being' stank two meters against the nonexistent wind. And what does Tshajbukoshka do? Bends down, talks to him, holds out its hand, and then lets itself get dirty with muddy water (the dog had shaken off), after petting him and he licked its hands. Wow. Life as a cat in the house of Tshajbukoshka is traumatic. Ask my bro, who until this week lived under Tshajbukoshka's cupboard and was nearly crushed in his sleep.
Tshajbukoshka: Sääääääiiijjläääääm… Can you please get to the point? What's your point? Digressing is MY part!

Salem: So yes. Tshajbukoshka smelled terribly of wet dog. That couldn't be denied. So upon arriving home, it went straight to shower, for the second time that day.
Tshajbukoshka: Bathing.
Salem: To celebrate the day, it wanted to try this promising sample and take the opportunity to choose a second daytime scent.
Tshajbukoshka: I was overwhelmed by sticks! By those stick bros, like in "Karl Tokyo Shibuya | Karl Lagerfeld." Bam, right in the face! A half garden fence came at me! But not a nice one, rather a chain-link fence in synthetic wood. And that, in turn, was shabby.
Salem: Tshajbukoshka wouldn't be Tshajbukoshka if it didn't have hope. So it waved its arms, aimlessly going from one end of the room to the other.
T: That's not true, I vacuumed and mopped because the cats are gone (at this point, you hear clattering, noises, something breaks, it was the Tshajbu heart) and there are still hairs everywhere :‘(.
Salem: An hour later…
Tshajbukoshka: …I would like to point out that the longevity for an EdC is really good and there's nothing to complain about regarding the projection. The shabby wooden smell has slightly diminished, it now smells a bit more robust, we are now driving in two lanes, and I wonder where the promised pears and freesias are. Wait.
Salem: Freesias can be sensed. My neck hairs are standing on end, my fur is bristling, this stuff is toxic, I sense it! While I fear for my life, Tshajbukoshka is sad that there are no pears for dinner. Wait, Tshajbu, didn't you buy some?
Tshajbukoshka: Yes, but …(sticking the oversized scent bottle to its arm and can even sense a bit of pear under the part that still smells like Tshajbukoshka and not like rotten Tshajbukoshka under driftwood)
Salem: I can smell the alcohol from here! You secretly drank schnapps! What is this?!
Tshajbukoshka: I guess this is finally the pear I've been waiting for. Too bad. I could have bought schnapps earlier. But this one isn't tasty, neither as a drink nor as a perfume.
Salem and Tshajbukoshka agree on this point: The wet dog smelled more refined.
Salem: …than Tshajbukoshka topped with pear and freesia.
Tshajbukoshka: Vaffanculo!
Salem: Shall we bet? I bet you that no one will bend down to you to tell you how sweet and good you are today.
The cutie was full of warmth and affection.
There can be no talk of warmth and security with this Jo Malone here.
What a pity.
Salem: After the third attempt, Tshajbukoshka gives up and passes the pseudo-freesia-pear on to people it might suit.
Tshajbukoshka: I'd rather wash myself properly than spray myself with soap and wood cleaner. But first, I need to pluck a chicken with you, you mangy cat fur. Did you seriously call me 'IT'?
Salem: Yes, because you are a joke. (You hear hissing and a big vaffanculo and see Tshajbukoshka aiming the spray nozzle at Salem.)