Typewriter Parfumerie Particulière

If an intriguing, not to say provocative Type Writer-scented lady were to approach me in the evening, who had taken the Unisex hypothesis in this case quite literally, I would probably find myself in serious embarrassment. As a lover of mechanical typewriters, I would, however, cautiously first ask whether she was more of the GABRIELE, OLIVETTI, or perhaps OLYMPIA or OPTIMA type. An ERIKA or TIPPA I consider excluded in this context; they surely wouldn’t have any inclination towards aromatic elixirs with fragrant constrictors or similarly convoluted olfactory impositions...

The “Type Writer” with its “peculiar” Ortho is, as a scent from a “strange house,” sheer audacity for manic typewriter enthusiasts as well as for typewriter abstainers. One cannot appreciate WD- and other working oils so much that even the SM collector initially wrinkles their nose in indignation, because we are talking about pleasant scents here - right?! The stuff stinks un-pyramidally, and rumors suggest that even Oud is not in the picture.

Horny beavers with labdanum tendencies have been riding around with patchouli, yep! Woods and cistus, perhaps from La Isla Bonita La Palma, are on board - and who knows what kind of amber concoction the two girls have secretly brewed together. After half an hour, however, I feel absolutely splendid among Torpedos, Olympias, and Mercedes', who are stirring their type levers, tabulators, and rollers, lifting their collected, sunken scents from the underground of the 20th century (the secretary's hair!), setting the correct margin, and embracing me with medium line spacing, even though I - no, BECAUSE I smell so robustly and resinously like a grumpy TYPE WRITER.

Hopefully, my love doesn’t come home early.
How should I explain this scent scenario without raising suspicion?!