Did you know that I can't remember my dreams? And yet they invade me in the darkness, laying like black fog over my nightly thoughts. They cannot be controlled, cannot be managed, and although I know they will vanish as soon as the racing of my heart subsides, I am not naive enough to deny them.
Even now, my heart wants to leap, and yet I place my trembling fingers on the closure of the vessel that they will later, much later, call a box in their helplessness. If I were to turn around, I could observe how your eyes widen.
A thousand reasons will be found to belittle what I do. They will call me "ignorant" with a dismissive shake of the head and focus on how helpless and weak I was, misguided by the determination of my creation.
You must have seen how my jaws tighten, could even guess how the anger of conviction slows my breathing. My hand has become completely calm as I break the flower-shaped seal of the vessel. It would be easy to smash everything into pieces, and yet I will only open the lid. Calm and strength pulse in my veins as I, with seemingly endless effort and deepest conviction, free the inevitable green glow from its cage, sacrificing my own safety, comfort, and prosperity, and being the first of all to taste the pain that comes with doing what is right.
They will speak of the evils I have unleashed for millennia. Of my disobedience, my weakness, and my curiosity. The flash of hope and realization at the moment I opened the box will, however, be dismissed in their arrogance, just like the strength with which I have borne all this.
But you understand the courage it takes to look so deeply into the mirror on the other side of the vessel. For nothing else was bound within it but ourselves.
From now on, I will remember my dreams.
**
Blindfolded, I would have certainly classified St. Clair's Pandora as a dark floral galbanum chypre from the 1970s, and I must admit that the little vial I have been sniffing repeatedly for over a year and have now been wearing sparingly for days gives me plenty of puzzles: Normally, fragrances start with brighter, lighter, fresher top notes, gradually warming up and becoming darker towards the base. Pandora, however, greets me despite the pronounced citrus with a dark undertone and a slightly smoky bitter green note, which I would have identified without a second of doubt as galbanum, and not just any galbanum, but slightly tilted like in my vintage bottle of Chanel No. 19, which has a peculiar pull on me that does not occur with the intact versions of the fragrance.
However, galbanum is not listed here, and as I somewhat helplessly navigate along the pyramid, I conclude that it must be a mixture of tomato leaf, vetiver, and what is listed here as apple, which I perceive as galbanum. Soon, abstract indolic flowers join this herbaceous green and unusually dark top note, which I cannot for the life of me isolate individually, before a more buttery than powdery iris with tonka highlights brightens the fragrance.
Even the initially chypre-typical base with rather herbaceous, leathery labdanum and rich oak moss holds surprises, as suddenly I perceive the dark green galbanum glow from the top note again.
Pandora is not the only fragrance from the house that excites and amazes me, and once again I can hardly believe that Diane St. Clair is a self-taught perfumer. This surprising fragrance progression is truly unique and does not undermine the impression of having a well-proportioned classic under my nose. On the contrary. This blend of indie daring and classic backbone is unfortunately far too rare.
Pandora was released alongside its sister scent "Eve | St. Clair Scents," which I unfortunately do not know, in the Audacious Innocence collection: “The stories of Pandora and Eve, who reached for the forbidden apple, have much in common. Both came to symbolize women who were punished for disobeying orders and acting on their impulses towards curiosity. We believe that women who challenge the rules and follow their curiosity are striving towards creativity, innovation and independence.” It says on the homepage. Hallelujah! I don't have much to add to this thought, and yet I must slightly disagree regarding St. Clair's Pandora: Impulsive and innocent is, in my perception, nothing at all about Pandora. What I smell here fits a mature woman who knows exactly what she is doing and does not shy away from becoming uncomfortable in full awareness when necessary.
Dear Gandix, you have made me incredibly happy with this precious sample. Thank you!