I'm sad and in need of some support

This has absolutely nothing to do with perfume. Whatsoever. And yet I choose to post it here and believe that it is here that discussing this issue would be most productive and maybe somewhat less painful. Because we are sensitive to beauty and tuned into the fine, not easily categorized things, and that makes us more capable of abstraction and ultimately, empathy.

The question that's been tormenting me for a while now is how do we go about values and ideals with our children? How do we teach them to be honest, noble and overall good, if those ideals are going to be trampled at some point, inevitably and very painfully? How do we teach them to trust, if we know that someone, somewhere will inevitably hurt them with lie?

Surely, we cannot raize them to be cynical, jaded little pricks who don't give a damn about anything from the get go. And yet, it seems that the better someone is, the more he or she gets hurt. It's a matter of projection: honest people are usually trusting, empathic and caring ones need equal empathy and care, kind ones believe that there are more people like them than there are evil, loving ones assume they will be loved back, because they don't know how anyone can be incapable of something as natural to them as love.

And then a child like that grows up and goes into the world that's far from honest, caring and supportive. And it starts looking as if the parent who raized this child to be good actually made her weak and put her in harm's way by doing so.

I feel funny, you know. I feel like I know nothing about this world. Has the definition of good changed without me noticing? All the values I've been taught as a child, seem to not be applicable anymore.

Reality check. HA. HA.

Hi Chapeau,

Ok, I’m not a mum but certainly can relate to the issues you raise from a personal standpoint.

Being a good-hearted person with values doesn’t mean being a carpet that all and sundries can use and abuse.

Listen, the best gift you can give your children is to raise them to understand all that you are talking about here, and build their self-confidence and sense of identity in a solid and balanced manner (and not in a cocky and big-headed way).
This will enable them to become assertive, self reliant, and equipped to face this big world of ours.

Ultimately they will be individuals with their own personalities, choices, decisions and mistakes.
There is nothing you can do about this, but providing them now with a strong foundation will go a very long way in helping them on the route of life.

Big kisses and hugs to you xoxo

In bold by me. Dolby said the key word here. Self- confidence.
I will add communication with setting examples. Let them know you
are there for them with any questions they may have.

Hugs.

Chapeau,

you cannot change the ugly world. You can only do the best you can. Keep a wholesome family life. Find time to talk to your children and build trust.

They are assaulted by the modern world and you, yourself, have to be "with it" to see what is happening. Stay tuned.

Make them develop a hard shell but a soft heart. And, don't forget to be "street smart". Theory is only theory and will fall apart at the next reality check.

You can do it. You are doing a better job right now than you think. No parent is perfect, "good enough" is good enough.

You give the children the tools and foundation for morals and values. It is up to them if they want to use them--it is beyond our control what they choose. But have a little faith.

*hugs*

Chapeau,
You're leading by example to raise children with a good heart, obviously. Having a kind soul and being raised by kind souls is truly a blessing in this world.

My only advice to you, not being a mom, but having been a child of very kind people: Don't shelter and don't sugar coat. At age appropriate moments, acknowledge the crummy aspects of humanity so that her expectations of the world outside your home will be realistic. Nurture her self-worth, her independence, her sense of humor. She'll figure out who is worth her time and who isn't on her own, trial and error, like we all do.

Chapeau, I am in the same situation at the moment. What works for me is having my son with me as much as possible, pointing out good and bad along the way. I set an example by being myself and he learns because he is not exposed to anything else.

I have a very humble child who is caring and conscientious. I fear that he may be taken advantage of when he is away from me but I can't be there always. My hope is that he will learn to be independent when he needs to be and to help others the way without being walked on.

I don't worry as much anymore, but I continue point out poor judgement as needed. He continues to grow and learn but he is far from perfect. As Dulcemio says, don't shelter and don't sugar coat.

Thank you dear hearts, parents and non-parents alike, your kind and wise words were just what I needed!

Most of the time I see myself as just the kind of enabling, confident example-setter and all, or at least I strive to be one. But then something happens and just throws me comletely off balance, to the dark place I've been trying so desperately to get out of. Thanks for being there for me at one of those weak moments of mine.