Forum Post Over At "F" Concerning Perfumes For Gay

Has anyone seen this forum post over at "F"? It really bothered me that someone posted it, but bothered me more that there are 6 pages of answers so far.

www.fragrantica.com/board/viewtopic.php?id=744 82

I simply cannot see why anyone would put up a post asking what someone's sexual preferences were and hide it in the shadows of perfume selection for "gays". There is no reason to even have a discussion for this, in my opinion.

People wear perfume because they want to smell good. Perfumes are not designed for certain sexual orientations. I could certainly see that forum going under as a future way of gay-bashing people that openly admitted to being homosexual. (At least in America, unfortunately.)

Your opinion?

Ha ha ha ... I have seen (read) this topic also, over at good old Fragrantica. I have not commented because this topic is merely posted to stir. So, best to leave it alone.

It will soon get out of bounds, as many like these before, and then it will be summarily deleted, as many like these before have seen the dust.

**************

The topic has now been deleted.

It just amazes me, tho, the stupidity of people. They don't realize the words that they put on the net are forever immortalized. Not to mention how they can be stalked, harassed, etc. Not to mention it's such an ignorant topic, and just incenses me so.
I guess I'm so upset by such a lack of mental acuity because a dear friend of mine was targeted a few years ago in a public venue and beaten very badly because of his persuasions. I've seen hatred and what it can do, and something like that forum question is an open breeding ground for the wrong person.

It is true anything published on the Internet is like "chiseled in stone". When I google for past posts (anywhere) I can still find them with Google.

It takes courage to make a stand for one's beliefs. There are other venues and platforms and communities where strong opinions can be voiced and have their appropriate place there.

Perfume communities are for pleasant exchanges between perfume afficionados.

This topic has been coming up on BN quite regularly over the years as well. Someone new posts the same question, dozens of others chime in, by the end sparks are flying and many people get offended. You kind of learn to ignore this type of threads after a while. I see at least two good reasons to do so: (i) not to get disappointed in humans too much and (ii) not to feed the trolls.

Yes, of course people choose certain types or brands of perfumes for their styles or fashionable sense, also, I would agree. As in a sense of keeping up with the "Joneses". Those are the sheep of society who cannot pick for themselves and allow marketing schemes and the cost of items to dictate good sense to them.
Now another one has arisen from the ashes concerning the deletion, which I find quite amusing. Rumours are running rampant about why the original post had been deleted, including "disparaging remarks about lesbians" and "homophobia", which I can attest to that were never there that I saw. It's all the same silliness over there without valid thought.
I wish we had a society that truly understood and appreciated the inner workings of the mind, but we don't. We have acceptance here and intelligent thought.
Florette, you make a good point. But the sheep are too busy in their herds to hear in another land...

It is the tone that makes the music. If this discussion here were to escalate and become out of bounds offensive, Management would close the topic also. Freedom of speech? Not totally.

Over at the Fragrantica the heated discussion is continued.

What vexes the members most is the silence of Management.

"We want Guidelines" they ask. In fact, there are Guidelines, namely the Terms of Service Agreement which each member when registering consents to. But this document is in long legalese that nobody reads. In Paragraph 4.3 it states that (simply put) the Host can delete content without explanation.

Right in legal terms, wrong in spirit. When the members do not know how to conduct themselves and are only guessing, then drama will ensue.

Clear Guidelines should be issued to calm down the confused members.

Guidelines?

Well, the only guideline that should apply to any community on the net is the general netiquette which basically means that people should treat each other with respect.

Everybody knows what this is and no guideline can be more precise.

Yes, the members are very confused. And some of them (altho a very small minority) feel that this issue should never have been addressed have posted their opinions. One of the members actually said, and I quote " I was and am not interested in all that gay-ish stuff - I am not gay, I don't understand them, that's another story. BUT!..." and goes on to talk about freedom with the exception of this line "These guys are not trying to coax us into becoming gay or something!" And that's what I think this all boils down to, the ignorance of heterosexuals talking about what they think gays like. It's not the same topic as "What does your guy like on you?" or "What frag do you like on your guy?" where you have the experience. To begin with, these are suppositional questions and secondly, what you throw out in the net is forever written in stone. Gay-bashing is very real, unfortunately. That's the point and the original poster was admittedly heterosexual. No one knows if this can turn out to be a type of phishing expedition where things can go horribly wrong. At that point, F is ultimately responsible for allowing it.
Freedom of speech is a wonderful right. Ignorance of speech is a mentality that becomes more prevalent in discussions that become heated, especially when facts are not presented initially.

@ Apicius - OK, you answered and made a statement.

What makes the drama continue over there is the general confusion with wild guesses while Management is strangely silent.

Meanwhile the crowd is getting disgusted. Like children need borders, members need parameters.

Those are not clearly drawn up at Fragrantica and the opinions run rampant. (The crazy running the asylum.)

You made me curious, so I checked that discussion at Fragrantica. Unfortunately the initial thread is gone, but I guess it was something like "What kind of perfume like gay men / lesbian women on another gay man / lesbian woman?"

Well, if they delete threads with lesbian or gay content maybe we should open such a thread at Parfumo then, just to give the Fragranticans an alternative place to go to?


Seriously: Parfumo will never allow discrimination against lesbians or gays. If anti-gay or anti-lesbian statements should occur I am sure the Parfumo users will step in and say the needful even before the moderators and admins get wind of it.

Copied from the original post:

"We have threads about what men find attractive on women, and what women find attractive on men, so I'd thought I'd create a thread for gay women.
Also, it'd be great if you could specify what type of woman you're into so as to better gauge your fragrance picks.
Not sure how many posts this will get, but hey."

Was it a woman who opened this thread or a man? This should make a difference.

There was a similar drama recently when someone made a thread for what perfumes members liked to wear during sex. I thought it was harmless, nobody has a problem asking what you'd wear to the gym or cinema but oh, the children! All of a sudden Fragrantica is full of children and they must never see the word "sex"! Discussing virginity with your peers is deplorable, apparently! One member in particular came in and started throwing around her weight, "left" the conversation with a flounce only to come back and hurl more insults at me. Had never met that member before so I found it rather amusing.

Anyway, the thread (which was quite fun and constructive until that point) was swiftly deleted by admins without a word of comment.

"These are not the posts you're looking for."


These days many people feel entitled to be offended to the point where it's non-constructive. I consider myself to have empathy and I like to play devil's advocate, "why is this person so bothered?" but I do feel like quoting Stephen Fry to some of the exceptionally loud and demanding members.
Hell, if I'm going to take offence I'll state why, discuss it reasonably and then let it go. Anything else is just foot-stamping for the sake of it. That kind of bullying running rampant on Fragrantica is one of the reasons why I prefer Parfumo now instead.

LGBTQ members should be free to discuss whatever they like. Bigotry is dealt with so often every day that anyone happy to talk about their lifestyle on the internet is well aware of the nastiness some people harbour. Backing down or censoring oneself out of fear in real life when bodily harm is threatened is one thing, but on the internet? No. The close-minded will crow when they can, all too aware that their day is ending. Ignore them for the petty gnats they are.

It's natural to ask what others you identify with enjoy, just like a thread full of Australians posting will pique my interest. Starting a thread to weed out people of a minority, however, is devious if that is indeed what occurred... and, yes, I'll use the "bullying" word again since the cliques on Fragrantica get away with so much of it. Like bloody high school over there sometimes and only a small amount of people causing the ruckus each time with seemly no fear of comeuppance. I'm disappointed with how little the moderators seem to care.

Thankfully any of the drama queens that have accounts on both sites are smart enough not to try their crap on these forums.
To those among them that may be reading my words at this very moment: hello!

If members PM Fragrantica management, they get an answer, albeit late.
If the whole crowd begs for clarification, like today, only silence.
If the parameters were explained, then the drama would stop.

Damn right we will. At the same time I'm glad that moderators pay attention to the forums here.