Forum Post Over At "F" Concerning Perfumes For Gay

This angle is fascinating to me too. In Australia there is still quite a social binding on discussing sex so we are almost half way between the two mindsets.
As someone with one foot in both queer and straight social circles I often joke about "rude" things such as sex toys, masturbation etc. Most people find it refreshing, I've had quite a few say "wow, we love talking about this with you, people are so up tight but we all think about it, don't we?".
Over the last 20 or so years I think Australia has become quite open-minded, people used to blush and hide their Sexpo shopping bags on the way home on the train (Sexpo is an annual porn/sex themed convention here) but now people seem to be more comfortable, almost bragging about whether or not they plan to attend. Though Sexpo wouldn't be so popular if it weren't for the stigma attached to walking into a sex shop or chatting about porn normally with friends. We still have the tittering "oh my gosh, we're looking at dildos in public!" aspect so compared to you in Europe we still have a way to go with sexual expression.
I don't need to detail my thoughts re: conversations on forums regarding sex and censorship as you can likely gather it from my posts with Florette above. That said, I understand that there is a real cultural sensitivity to sexuality in America. For a country with such a huge entertainment industry and the word "Freedom" practically being the national motto I am often surprised at the real issue some people take with frank discussion. On one hand there's an almost fanatic appreciation of "Sex and the City", "Real Housewives" type shows while the other is weighed down with an almost Puritan shame and distaste!

In the end I respect the difference in culture the same way I do for any other person I meet online, though often that respect is not returned... many from the USA seem to assume all others they meet are also from there. I once had someone on YouTube suggest I was a little kid for having to go to sleep in the afternoon!

My issue with the eternal "panty-dropper" threads is not that they mention sex but because the mindset of them can be quite misogynistic and shallow, as if women are only challenges to be coerced and won.

Just yesterday I watched a movie on Netflix where two Lesbian women decided to make a baby and raise it. One was the biological mother who became pregnant with a sperm donation. Just a profile of paperwork, no real encounter, and impregnated in the doctor's office. She carried the child, but returned to her carrier pursuits and the other woman (partner) tended to the baby.

They had asked a male friend for the sperm donation (to know an actual father) but he refused. He did not want the responsibility.

Later on, the Lesbian couple still asked him to be involved and be a father figure.

So, when things are done outside the "norm", extra arrangements and concessions have to be made.

They were very open about it and will encourage the child to be just as open about it.

www.aubinpictures.com/mg/

Unfortunately it's rarely mentioned except as fearmongering by conservatives to attempt to hold back rights for transgender individuals. At the moment there is a lot of talk about how early one should be able to identify as trans and how a trans student can be managed in a school where change-rooms are separated by sex.

There's also some real ignorance about the difference between "sex" and "gender". If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone crudely comment "how can they be confused if they're female or male, look between the legs!" I would be able to buy myself that full bottle of "Encens Mythique D'Orient" I've been pining over for a year.

All I have to say is, yes, it was a gay woman who started the thread. Some heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual women commented on the thread. From what I read and posted (in the first several pages), there was nothing inappropriate. I suppose someone made a gay bashing comment later on, which should have just been removed, but instead the admin deleted all threads and two subsequent ones demanding answers.

I don't see the problem in a gay woman asking what fragrances women like on women. Men post things like that in the "Perfume Selections for Men" threads with no problem, and heterosexuals do it on a regular basis! It's not saying that lesbians only like a certain type of scent or anything like that. It's just one woman asking for advice, and personally I have smelled some amazing smelling women!

It's not just Parfumo. A lot of other sites will get that response on Fragrantica as well, such as myperfumesamples.com. They just try to avoid spam of all kind. I don't think they are singling out Parfumo at all.

Wow, I really don't think people are like that over there. I've been a member over there for a couple years and everyone is usually genuinely nice, helpful, and generous.

Okay, so lesbian fantasies take the topic a little too far, I get it. And yes, some of those women were totally heterosexual. But as a woman, married to a man, with previous experience with women, I feel I have at least an opinion on the matter. And who's to tell me I'm wrong? I find women very attractive- both sexually and otherwise, but I am for the most part straight. I can't have an opinion on the matter?

Also asking what kind of women they are into is totally relevant. It's the same as asking what type of man a woman is into. Maybe a "mans man" wants a more rugged scent- something with leather and spice. Or maybe a guy that's a surfer who wears board shorts all day wants something more aquatic. I know lots of lesbians who have completely different tastes, and for the most part I've known ones who were quite butch and would prefer more manly scents and ones who were more femme and liked more "girly" scents. What's wrong with that??

Nobody is wrong with their sexual preferences. We are who we are. Simply put. There is no argument here.
However, posting that type of personal information (what type of person you're into) is personal and dangerous on the internet. Depending on how much information the poster could potentially give, should a dangerous situation occur in the future, could ultimately fall back on the owner(s) of the site. There are some people that are not concerned about their privacy in relation to their screen names, areas, etc., and can be tracked. Perhaps the admins were concerned about the dangers involved and future liabilities. They might have simply been protecting their site users.

Btw, has the original poster of the question responded and given her ultimate opinion to all that has transpired since she first raised her query?

Sorceress, this is so true. One time I commented on a Youtube video containing someone making a funny face and I said, "I make that face at my boyfriend sometimes". I was bombarded with all sorts of negative comments. It was as if it was an offence to say I was in a relationship! I can't imagine what people in other kinds of relationships have to go through in person.

The original poster did give her input. She started a thread titled, "Thank you Zoka for a very detailed and sweet explanation".

Yes, it's just casual feedback/personal knowledge from some members I talk to from time to time on Fragrantica.

It really comes down to someone's preference on how information is presented. Some people like the visuals of the notes, others like the graphs; maybe both. Parfumo doesn't highlight new releases on the main site; whereas Fragrantica presents new designer, niche, and celebrity perfume articles on their front page which makes it a little easier for people to find out about new fragrances.

I guess for a hyperbole of comparison: back in 2005, I preferred Facebook over Myspace. Facebook was simpler with one feed and the ability to add photo albums or write on friend's walls within your college network. MySpace was a menagerie of pictures, friends, music, etc but also with photo albums and a wall to write on. Now Facebook has evolved into a similar way, but the media is presented in such a manner that I like better than MySpace.

The OP of that topic came across simply as a gay woman asking other gay women what perfumes they enjoy on their women. Very significantly, the second part of her question was, "and what type of women are you into?" Or something to that effect.

Anyone who offers that canned response of "sexuality has no effect on perfume enjoyment" is oblivious to the fact that LOTS of gay men wear perfumes marketed to women, but many others would never do in a million years (I personally know some in each camp, IRL). And likewise, lots of gay women are ultra feminine, while others do everything they can to project masculinity because that's how they feel inside. In contrast, amongst heteros I think it's very rare (outside the extremely open-minded world of perfume hobbyists) to find people wearing fragrance designed for the opposite sex. Gay people in general, in my experience, tend to be more open-minded in many areas of life.

Since sexuality, both hetero and homo, run the gamut between the masculine and the feminine, and given the fact perfumes and their various accords are commonly described as either one or the other, a gay woman asking such a question is perfectly legitimate. Even if that weren't the case, one and all should be allowed to mention her sexuality in public.

Then, along come some people who wish gay people didn't exist, they complain to the webmaster, and instead of the webmaster standing up for what's right, he caves to the complainers. What had been a peaceful and pleasant discussion was deleted because once again the narrow-minded minority was the squeakiest wheel.

www.parfumo.de/forum/viewtopic.php?p=288293#28 8293

Right now, on the German site, a cute little pitter-patter discussion is taking place.

If, and when, that "hot" topic would get out of hand and if mud were slung, Management would quickly step in and just CLOSE the topic, with an explanation.

It is the sudden deletion of topics, without any explanation, that pulls the rug from under the feet of Forum participating members and they ask themselves: "now what?"

I believe most anything can be discussed, as long as the language chosen to discuss it remains in good taste.

Excuse me for a short off-topic comment: New perfumes are displayed on the main site, but honestly - a re-design of that feature would be nice. I have talked about it with Don, and I guess something will be done in the future but maybe not right now. I also like the perfume articles on the front page of Fragrantica. The quality of most of those articles is high, and one can see that people take effort. I would like to see a similar flow of articles on new perfumes and other topics for a kind of Parfumo magazine, but currently we do not have the manpower (yet).

I appreciate you replying! (It is the off-topic section after all) Yes, I kind of overlooked the New and noteworthy section...that is a bit of my fault. As you explained further, they have the articles over on Fragrantica and press releases it seems like. Someday I'm sure you'll get to that point when things pick up more.

OFF TOPIC -

I think that the articles on the Front Page of Fragrantica are written by professional writers (contributors) who are paid.

Parfumo works mostly on volunteer contributions.

Louce and Ronin have contributed some marvelous blog articles on the German site. (Also: Apicius, Florblanca and others.) Those articles are full of information but too long to translate into English. Those articles are of great quality, equal to any professional (paid) writer(s).

www.parfumo.de/blog/2013/08/01/spreading-the-w ord-interview-mit-yvon-mouchel-von-divine/

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FURTHER OFF TOPIC -

I wonder how that works (on other websites like Basenotes and Fragrantica and The Perfume Magazine) -

To have professional articles about products (= new perfumes) published on the Front Page,
does the MAGAZINE management approach the writers and invite them, or do the writers approach the MAGAZINE management?

And, how could that similarly be introduced to Parfumo? It would change the volunteer status of the operation. Tax consequences? Legal status of the operation? Split the operation into two separate legal pieces - one is the MAGAZINE and the other is the FORUM?

Meanwhile, if at least a similar section like the Professional Blog Article Section on the German site Front Page were started on the International site, there would be a call on volunteers to write something really big and eloquent, more than what is published on the members' blog article space.

And once you have a "column" started, you have to fill it. The call would be continuous. Apicius said, "we don't have the manpower, yet" ... that is true, but out there may be talent just waiting to be published. (If I had the chemistry and perfumery background, I would write text like that. But I just watch the wheels turn and try to move them along.)

I also think a dedicated notes section/discussion would be a wonderful addition to the information bar above the site. Some may see that idea as copying Fragrantica, and perhaps it is, but notes are so essential to perfume and many of them are unknown to the average reader or perfume appreciator.
We could do it in a new, interesting way, perhaps embedding a member comment section where people can quote how the note smells to THEM.
Possibly a descriptive pie chart like we have for perfumes, "bitter, herbal, sweet" etc. Notes are not as subjective as perfumes but there has been more than one time I've looked at an ingredient, image searched it, "How does that smell? How do I know I'll like it in my perfume?"
It would be a great way of making notes less alien, more approachable.

Forgive me if there is already one I have not seen, and for continuing the off topic chat... perhaps we can transplant this whole secondary discussion into the suggestions area?