The social ambiguities of fragrance
11 years ago 1
I think this may differ from culture to culture, but sometimes, what we see as a fairly inoffensive, nice way to complete our personal grooming or to treat ourselves can take on the epic drama of a political powder keg.
I remember long ago, when I was still married (gag... lol) having steeled myself to endure the obligatory thanksgiving hell gathering with my then-in laws:
I was dressed "properly", as in nice, not overtly sexy, and neat. I basically looked like I had made an effort to look nice for the occasion, nothing over the top.
Now, keep in mind, my in laws were bona fide assholes, but after being greeted with "Hello, L, you look nice, today", I figured I could relax a little.
... WRONG! While freshening up in the bathroom, I overheard mt MIL and my SIL talking. What struck me was "... and she's always wearing perfume! it's not that it's strong, it's that it's there, who does she think she is?"
I knew they were talking about me because my name did come up.
Ignoring the whole thing, I went back to the living room and pretended not to have heard anything.
Then guests arrived: a happy jolly crowd, always joking and having a good time. The wife gives me a hug and exclaims "Ooooooh, Honey, I love what you're wearing, you smell fabulous, what is it?"
And for that, I broke my own rule: I normaly hate to disclose what perfume I'm wearing, but she was so nice I just told her "It's Diorissimo eau de toilette..."
And the lady keeps going on and on, adding "It's gorgeous, especially with all the cooking smells, you smell like a breath of fresh air!"
Hmmm. Talk about 2 completely opposite points of view!
Another day, I was in yoga and this woman next to me was wearing a very strong perfume (Angel... in yoga!) It was awful, lol. I couldn't believe anyone would choose that for a hot yoga class! But at the end, another woman from the row across us turned around and said to her "I enjoyed your beautiful perfume the whole time, it really made holding some poses easier!"
... SAY WHAT?!?!
And then this: I went with a friend to her mother's funeral. They had been very close and she was understandably devastated. She wasn't even wearing perfume on herself, but she had taken with her a hankerchief with her mother's fragrance on it. And occasionally, she would pull it out and smell it, she seemed to draw comfort from it.
... Would you believe her aunt was all shocked and pissy about it? She called it "rude and inappropriate"... And *I* encouraged my friend to seek comfort from her mother's scent.
All this to say...
Are there unwritten rules anywhere about perfume wearing? None of the events I just recalled were extreme in any way but yet people's reactions were polar opposites! And I found no common denominator to draw a rule from this.
Why is it that some people find perfume so offensive, while others revel in it and enjoy every whiff? Why are the reactions so viceral?
I remember long ago, when I was still married (gag... lol) having steeled myself to endure the obligatory thanksgiving hell gathering with my then-in laws:
I was dressed "properly", as in nice, not overtly sexy, and neat. I basically looked like I had made an effort to look nice for the occasion, nothing over the top.
Now, keep in mind, my in laws were bona fide assholes, but after being greeted with "Hello, L, you look nice, today", I figured I could relax a little.
... WRONG! While freshening up in the bathroom, I overheard mt MIL and my SIL talking. What struck me was "... and she's always wearing perfume! it's not that it's strong, it's that it's there, who does she think she is?"
I knew they were talking about me because my name did come up.
Ignoring the whole thing, I went back to the living room and pretended not to have heard anything.
Then guests arrived: a happy jolly crowd, always joking and having a good time. The wife gives me a hug and exclaims "Ooooooh, Honey, I love what you're wearing, you smell fabulous, what is it?"
And for that, I broke my own rule: I normaly hate to disclose what perfume I'm wearing, but she was so nice I just told her "It's Diorissimo eau de toilette..."
And the lady keeps going on and on, adding "It's gorgeous, especially with all the cooking smells, you smell like a breath of fresh air!"
Hmmm. Talk about 2 completely opposite points of view!
Another day, I was in yoga and this woman next to me was wearing a very strong perfume (Angel... in yoga!) It was awful, lol. I couldn't believe anyone would choose that for a hot yoga class! But at the end, another woman from the row across us turned around and said to her "I enjoyed your beautiful perfume the whole time, it really made holding some poses easier!"
... SAY WHAT?!?!
And then this: I went with a friend to her mother's funeral. They had been very close and she was understandably devastated. She wasn't even wearing perfume on herself, but she had taken with her a hankerchief with her mother's fragrance on it. And occasionally, she would pull it out and smell it, she seemed to draw comfort from it.
... Would you believe her aunt was all shocked and pissy about it? She called it "rude and inappropriate"... And *I* encouraged my friend to seek comfort from her mother's scent.
All this to say...
Are there unwritten rules anywhere about perfume wearing? None of the events I just recalled were extreme in any way but yet people's reactions were polar opposites! And I found no common denominator to draw a rule from this.
Why is it that some people find perfume so offensive, while others revel in it and enjoy every whiff? Why are the reactions so viceral?