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03/02/2021
Chizza
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Chizza
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Still wearable in this day and age
My life as a Neanderthal was characterized by basic issues like providing for my wife and numerous children, making fire to cook the animals and hunting them first. By the way, we did not hunt mammoths or only very rarely, that was much too difficult with our spears. We rather collected smaller animals or plants. Anyway, our tribal leader Floid once called us to a meeting. He wanted to present his new achievement, had invented something or so.
"Neanderthal friends, glad you're here. We all know the problem, after the hunt we sometimes smell and even if it is tolerated by the women, I realize that we can give them a pleasure with a few simple tricks. For this reason I have developed two fragrances. You're probably asking what fragrances are. You guys don't stink anymore. Or not as strong."
"But won't that scare away our prey if we smell funny there?"
"No. We use fragrant ingredients that the animals know and don't wonder about. My first creation is called earth. I spent months digging up different types of soil in the woods and created this landmark!"
"But we smell like earth anyway! What else do you have?"
"Fire!"
"Wo??????"
"No, that's the name of my other creation. Smells like a barbecued mammoth."
"....can we go?"
The gathering place emptied out.
"No, wait a minute I've got something else, I call it Neandertal Light. Like Diet Coke, which we all haven't heard of yet. It's a very primeval scent, I took inspiration there in the middle part from an even older scent, from the star perfumer Tyrannosaurus Rex. Here test, I pass the samples around."
Everyone sniffed and expressed pleasure and interest.
"Tell us more, Floid!"
"Of course. We start here with bitter green, it's because of the juniper. You know, the shrub the animals always eat respectively where Borg likes to scrub his backside off. With the berries. I've further enhanced that bitterness with something I call glob fruit. Or citrus, I'm still thinking about that. These freshen up the juniper. It seems a bit diametrical but harmonizes. Especially with a nip of seawater which I mixed with it."
"Wow, really good and the mammoths don't notice?"
"No, because here's the kicker, they think you're trees! I scratched a lot of different trees, I was bored, and out flowed something I call banana. Or resins. Let's see. Anyway, galbanum banana smells very green-bitter, extremely woodsy and balsamic. These tart notes are supported by so-called spices, I just ground a few plants small there. The spice of the mild cauliflower or saffron, we'll see, that underpins the resins. The ocelot or saffron, I'm leaning towards ocelot though, provides a kind of racy spice, warm and dry. Supporting, or rather dominating after several hours, all of this is two types of banana, which I ignited out of even more boredom. Frankincense and myrrh, you know from the Life of Brian, the sci-fi epic we performed the other night."
"That was totally crazy! Livestock, shoes and stuff, nonsense like that!"
"Sounds insanely charming, Floid!"
"Thanks. You'll find that the tart and bitter elements gradually give way because when you come home to your wives at night to provide more saber-toothed tiger meals in nine months, you don't exactly want to smell like a mammoth either. That's why I've incorporated various aromatic and slightly creamy notes. Then it's lights, er fire out, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink."
"But if the fire goes out, then the nocturnal predators will come after all!"
"Oh yes, better leave it on! A word about the great Tyrannosaurus Rex: you'll notice that the middle section to the ferruginous swamp was inspired by the great master of all fragrances.
So, who wants a bottle of Neandertal Light?"
"Here, take my shells!"
"Neanderthal friends, glad you're here. We all know the problem, after the hunt we sometimes smell and even if it is tolerated by the women, I realize that we can give them a pleasure with a few simple tricks. For this reason I have developed two fragrances. You're probably asking what fragrances are. You guys don't stink anymore. Or not as strong."
"But won't that scare away our prey if we smell funny there?"
"No. We use fragrant ingredients that the animals know and don't wonder about. My first creation is called earth. I spent months digging up different types of soil in the woods and created this landmark!"
"But we smell like earth anyway! What else do you have?"
"Fire!"
"Wo??????"
"No, that's the name of my other creation. Smells like a barbecued mammoth."
"....can we go?"
The gathering place emptied out.
"No, wait a minute I've got something else, I call it Neandertal Light. Like Diet Coke, which we all haven't heard of yet. It's a very primeval scent, I took inspiration there in the middle part from an even older scent, from the star perfumer Tyrannosaurus Rex. Here test, I pass the samples around."
Everyone sniffed and expressed pleasure and interest.
"Tell us more, Floid!"
"Of course. We start here with bitter green, it's because of the juniper. You know, the shrub the animals always eat respectively where Borg likes to scrub his backside off. With the berries. I've further enhanced that bitterness with something I call glob fruit. Or citrus, I'm still thinking about that. These freshen up the juniper. It seems a bit diametrical but harmonizes. Especially with a nip of seawater which I mixed with it."
"Wow, really good and the mammoths don't notice?"
"No, because here's the kicker, they think you're trees! I scratched a lot of different trees, I was bored, and out flowed something I call banana. Or resins. Let's see. Anyway, galbanum banana smells very green-bitter, extremely woodsy and balsamic. These tart notes are supported by so-called spices, I just ground a few plants small there. The spice of the mild cauliflower or saffron, we'll see, that underpins the resins. The ocelot or saffron, I'm leaning towards ocelot though, provides a kind of racy spice, warm and dry. Supporting, or rather dominating after several hours, all of this is two types of banana, which I ignited out of even more boredom. Frankincense and myrrh, you know from the Life of Brian, the sci-fi epic we performed the other night."
"That was totally crazy! Livestock, shoes and stuff, nonsense like that!"
"Sounds insanely charming, Floid!"
"Thanks. You'll find that the tart and bitter elements gradually give way because when you come home to your wives at night to provide more saber-toothed tiger meals in nine months, you don't exactly want to smell like a mammoth either. That's why I've incorporated various aromatic and slightly creamy notes. Then it's lights, er fire out, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink."
"But if the fire goes out, then the nocturnal predators will come after all!"
"Oh yes, better leave it on! A word about the great Tyrannosaurus Rex: you'll notice that the middle section to the ferruginous swamp was inspired by the great master of all fragrances.
So, who wants a bottle of Neandertal Light?"
"Here, take my shells!"
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