4ajbukoshka

Omnipotence leads to the question of what we've been up to here again, after more than two sprays have found their way out of the handy, stylish bottle.
Offenders are smoked out on the doorstep, thanks at this point go only to the patch, because violence is no solution, so hands up or I'll spray you in the olfactory field with the verbal axe club.
Someone please call PETA to spray red crosses with graffiti and stop this fashion barbarism, because anyone who knows better and still wears first-hand leather jackets in 2025 will certainly want to put up with being canceled by the pseudo-green mob.
The climate here seems harsh and unfriendly - but have you ever been to Baden-Württemberg?
Elegant as three-cheese highs in ballerinas and friezes eating with their fingers, so that not everyone's mouth waters, but one or two encounters do.
Bibs are provided as a preventative measure, but probably most likely so that no one ruins their clothes (for the future and otherwise).
We are also emancipated enough (in our dreams) so that no one has to press the button to make themselves heard.
Age-, mood- and season-dependent scope for interpretation, which is always a statement - like the axe in the forest or "Daddy's car always smells like that too", thanks to your Daddy Issues.
Tshajbukoshka would love to be CEO of his own thoughts and actions one day, but until then relies on the 'fake it till you make it' approach.
She announces Hammersillage from Berlin to Stuttgart more reliably than the ICE train that runs this route.
A little shallower than a baby paddling pool is probably the message that shaded leather is supposed to convey here.
Smoky, as Tshajbukoshka perceives almost everything that contains patchouli in more than homeopathic doses, yet sweet and almost friendly, the leather, which is kept rather minimalist here, is most likely to change and be changed by its wearers of all ages and sizes.
----------------

PS: Before you have chairs and ropes delivered to her address, Tshajbukoshka would like to let any executors know that she would like 'When I'm gone' to be played at her funeral.
Thanks for reading. Any time wasted on this is excluded from exchange.

Salem: Ai, what are my eyes seeing?
- One of the new releases from La Rive.
Since Tshajbukoshka has not sworn off the house despite all the disappointments and is trying with charisma, where she [...]
Salem: None of them have!
...has not particularly inspired Prada's role model is [...]
Salem: Not worth reporting, but Tshajbukoshka reports it anyway, reliable as Deutsche Bahn and Tshajbukoshka on deadlines, so five minutes late for anyone who needed an explanation. What have we got here in this heavy bottle? Wow. High-quality glass? Rounded corners? Squeaky plastic lid? Surely this is how we all imagined Charisma. The embodiment of Charisma is me, Salem, the cat himself, which is why we used an E here. Charisma vs. charisma, that's very important.
- Huh? I thought that was just French? As a reference to the reference?
Salem: Fiddlesticks, and now let me add my ketchup in peace, unworthy ones! Let's not do like Tshajbukoshka, but get straight to the point without a hundred digressions. Well, this paradox, i.e. CharismE, without freshness in the top note, comes across as peudoambrated, which may lead testers and advocates of the same to call both the Polish copycat [...]
- I see what you did here, hihi.
Salem: AS WELL AS their Emma Watson-faced role model use all-weather tires like the Michelin compound of universality. Once again, the white bloomers here don't think much of subtlety, but once again smash their character right in your face. You might just send them to anti-aggression training if they weren't a little friendlier, a little less sweetened and didn't slowly run away after a few hours.
Since fabric softener is banned in the Tshajbukoshka house, because my sensitive cat's nose already has enough to put up with Tshajbukoshka and I'm sure the environment does too, and since you can always take your heart out for clean scents, the question ultimately arises as to whether there shouldn't be a little charisma on the clothes. I therefore vacillate between blasphemy and madness, but I think that this(!) gift should be returned.
So off it goes to the pile of unloved Christmas presents, of which we have certainly all received a lot, but hopefully less individually than Tshajbukoshka.
- The attack didn't have to be, thanks Salem for the reminder.
Salem: You're welcome! Meet me all at midnight or around 2:47am when I shove this new lump towards the ground because I remembered I'm hungry and I just can.

2017 in winter, with styled hair,
fresh out of the shower, how wonderful!
If there had been Talahons,
he would have been one,
in the year that brought us 'Stronger with you' and 'Bad Intense'.
Here is the bottle like a BMW
almost black-matt
and with dents,
a little too deep,
fortunately without stink,
his breath sweet as cinnamon and embers,
he inhales with this devil's blood!
It begins to stick,
it starts to scream,
can that really be it?
2017, we say it mildly,
Guys, this thing was different wild!
Apparently the little people were dreaming,
to be guests at Charly's chocolate factory.
They mixed the sweet stuff in everywhere,
so please keep your distance, oh man, oh no!
It won't stop sticking,
it won't go away,
persists like the dirt under your shoes,
we smell cinnamon, suspect lime,
it doesn't say - we know, Annette!
You too could use this to soak yourself in,
but we'd rather advise you to fuck off with it
- in 2017, that's where you belong too
or at least where I'm not right now.

Lovely, Salem, who definitely likes his black fur better and points out that cats don't wear perfume because their smell is perfection.

Tshajbukoshka and he are currently arguing about the rating. Salem has come out on top with 6 points, while Tshajbukoshka would like to give it a higher rating because the sweet part is at least approaching Tshajbuterritorium (although there's still shower gel/aftershave in the background and that doesn't meet with charity in the Salem-Koshka household), however, she's feeling nauseous at the moment and hasn't yet worked out whether it's the 'Bad Intense' she sprayed on herself for once for the review or whether it's the clan packet of sweets in her stomach.

When Tshajbukoshka wonders where in life he took a wrong turn and takes the opportunity to realize that the number of times he's moved is equal to the number of years he's been alive, half of the former before he was ten, he turns 30 tomorrow and he seriously thought the 21st century QVC could be trusted with recommendations, daaaaaaaaathen he has to whine and rant and that's what he's doing here.
Enemies of meta-descriptions and debauchery, beware, because Tshajbukoshka is just still being unleashed on the public:
Oud for Happiness came in the form of an imaginative approach to Tshajbukoshka, specifically: Dracotok 2020. Hands down, you were there too. And if you weren't, you had a crush at some point that you're ashamed of today - or not. Salem clicks his tongue and prepares some tea water. Tshajbukoshka and Draco Malfoy, thank Alfonso Cuaron - or damn it, as the case may be.
What Draco Malfoy is supposed to smell like: sophisticated, elegant, skillful without being deliberate, hashtag old money, a bit bad boy, morally grey and (sorrynotsorry) uuuuuoutrageously good-looking, so at least in the universes of AO3/ Fanfiction and Booktok.
Probably someone who was secretly in marketing at Initio or still has a bone to pick with the Draco Malfoys of this world came up with this, deeeeenn
Draco would never use a suggestion hammer perfume, what's looooooong with that? Ginger smacks you like foster mother number four (too bad, we would have loved to sing a round of Mambo No. 5 now, more on that in a moment) when you've eaten her favorite pudding, literally yells in your face so that afterwards you know exactly what she had for lunch today and when she last brushed her teeth. Tshajbukoshka also says that he can tell a person's age by their bad breath - is that true? Or is it more like counting wrinkles?
Waaaaruuum like that? Um, yes. At this point, we briefly speculate: deterrence, demonstration of dominance... vaffanculo, Mr. DLM doesn't need that, does he? Why so unfriendly, sharp and... dry as straw?
He shows that he is not to be trifled with and presents himself from his striking side. Not for the faint-hearted, who would have thought! Since when is oud so dry, so close to bursting into flames on a hot day? Huh? Is that still oud or can it become firewood? Sparks are literally flying here, but neither in terms of insight nor enlightenment.
Confusion is spreading in the Tshajbuverse. Salem is not amused. Even the impression of liquorice (we love it, we agree with Cimi) doesn't save us.
Mambo No. 5 doesn't sound like a far-fetched reference, because you apparently have to have a lot of self-confidence and a corresponding presence in order not to get lost in Oud for Happiness and attract a few more Jessicas, Ericas or simply people who don't want to pull a frying pan over your head and ban you from the house forever - because you always get what you radiate. Or something like that.
Mister OFH (!= DLM) has a sticky, almost suffocating presence, so let's stay tuned to see what kind of response we'll get.
The only thing that matches Draco Malfoy here is the design of the bottle, and even that reference is so clumsy and clichéd that Salem and I decided in unison that Draco Malfoy doesn't use perfume so as not to confuse the migratory birds (save the planet), what with him being on a broom so much and all. Nevertheless, the bottle is quasi Grande Amore, looks good and is heavy and pretty, and Salem...? He's always said that TikTok only sells Nivea and Tshajbukoshka takes them all.
Cheers to the souk for sparing us the shame of buying blind.

Eloise Midgeon. Eloise Midgen? All the same. She couldn't even be consistently given a name by the book series. In Russian, by the way, her name is Eloisa. Anyway, she was the one with the bad acne. The one Ron didn't want to go to the Yule Ball with, even though she was supposed to be lovely and pleasant company, according to others anyway.
You are "only" allowed to go to the Yule Ball from fourth year onwards, unless someone from fourth or fifth year invites you (as a younger person).
As a fourth grader, and probably at the age of 15, which is how old Tshajbukoshka would have been in 4th at Hogwarts, she probably would have liked 'Passion'.
But after all this time? - Get away from me with that stuff.
Eloise Midgeon accidentally hexed her nose off when she was trying to get rid of her acne. Incidentally, the acne was made up by the actress, who seems to love her role as much as she does.
And for what?
To be seen briefly in the background and to be mentioned with a nasty implication about her appearance.
Not inviting girls or people in general to prestigious events because of skin problems seems downright prepubescent, and it is. And that brings us back to 'Passion', this time quite directly. The transition from baby shampoo to independence, to your own perfume. Yes: baby shampoo - or cream. In the background, there is a scent that is familiar from one of those baby care ranges with a light blue color (there are a lot of them, we know).
If you want Aquatik, you have to jump into the Great Lake yourself, which isn't even a problem for Tshajbukoshka, because people at Tshajbu don't like Aquatik anyway. It smells sweet. Sweet as cardboard, but somehow without concept, without transformation. Without magic, without passion. Even the cats on TikTok, who were once on their way to 'More passion, more energy, more footwork', had understood the principle, which the self-proclaimed 'perfume lovers' don't seem to have grasped yet, perhaps they have also escaped the Zara marketing department and are now playing the good guys here, only without the solemn swearing. The only thing to celebrate here is the bottle and the packaging. You can be disappointed by the rest, by Ron, who behaves like a superficial brat, by Eloise Midgen and her acne of death, because she wasn't allowed to pay anyone back for it - and by whatever has been produced here. Maybe if Ron had given Lavender 'Passion' for Valentine's Day, there would at least be a legitimizing reference here. Maybe Umbridge would have used it as a room fragrance. Maybe.
Not only might the OG Potterheads not be 14, 15 or eleven years old now. They might want to get empty bottles and fill them with something fragrant (or design both themselves, or go straight for something that does BOTH). Or imitate Eloise Midgen and "accidentally" witch their nose off during the performance of 'Passions'.
Tshajbukoshka is disappointed. So very disappointed. Maybe you could read it between the lines, maybe it had to be explicitly mentioned again. This plonk is shallow and light and yet so unpleasant that you don't want to endure it for long. It is annoying with its indefinable artificial flower water, which seems to have been thrown up by a drunken mountain troll, and this unattractive, ostentatious sweetness.
Something new has been thrown onto the market here and, of course, the target audience that already has waffle irons, wooden spoons, key rings, hair ties and all other practical everyday items - which Tshajbukoshka tshajbukoshkaesk also includes a giant-sized Hogwarts castle made of famous clamping bricks - which you can buy under the license of the 'Wizarding World', JKR's in-house brand, instantly set credit cards ablaze, only to plop to the ground like a feather (or literally any other object or person) levitated into the air by Neville and then momentarily forgotten.
Sorry Neville, we actually love you. But we don't love 'Passion'. Then we'd rather take Eloise Midgen, who we hardly know anything about and who didn't even appear in the movie credits at the end, let alone as an actress in this role, to the next party or straight away on her honeymoon.