Thank you note etiquette

Although there is no written law for writing a thank you note, what is the expected time frame for a person to write one? Or has things changed in this part of the century? I went to two weddings, one in July and one in October 2012. I haven't received a thank you note or even an in-person thank you for the gifts I purchased for both brides. I know they are not that busy because they are frequently posting on Facebook. I'm a little miffed because the gifts I got them were fairly expensive. I bought them gifts out of kindness, not for gratitude. But I would rather take an in-person "thank you for the salt shakers" (I did not buy them salt shakers) instead of nothing.

Am I overreacting?

No. It feels good to get a paper Thank you, or a personal phone call for the gift.

Often after a wedding or a new baby, the person is extremely stressed out, especially for time, so it is good to get a bunch of Thank you notes ready and force them out immediately.

I think it is from several weeks up to 3 months for weddings. I have heard of no response a lot here recently. Wonder what is up with that.

My daughters neighbor sends out thank you cards for everything. When I bake pies or cakes I always send them home with my daughter when she visits. If her neighbor receives the pie you can count on a thank you card from her within days. I use them for book markers.

Awww Hayven, I'm sorry this has happened, and not just once but twice.
I don't get this either.
Lack of manners is akin to lack of respect and in my head that automatically translates as a black mark on the friendship.
How many black marks you put up with before calling it a day is up for debate but it certainly puts a damper on the enthusiasm and joy felt in choosing a lovely gift for them.

Xoxo to you for having a good heart. Shame on them for not recognising and appreciating it.

Hayven,

No, not overreacting. Not sending a thank you note for a wedding gift is completely unthinkable. My god!!

Think about it: when someone invites you to a wedding, unless the invitation speicifally states "no gifts" (I've heard of this, wealthy people marrying late in life, wanting for nothing, let alone kitchen appliances and flatware) and/or requests to donate to a charity anonymously in lieu of a gift, or whatever, an invitation to a wedding is an invitation to purchase a gift. That's why people register. So to obligate someone to purchase a gift for you and then not to thank them???

The rest of western civilization may be crumbling around us, but the sending of wedding gift thank you notes is set in stone. Period.

Hayven,

I gave my neighbor's daughter a birthday present on Sunday and yesterday there was a thank you note waiting for me. She's 8 years old and isn't on Facebook, so maybe that's why she had time.


I seriously think these types of things are just taught in some families (these days, because in the past they were taught in ALL families) and not in others. A while back I was reading a letter my mom had written to me when I was 11 years old and she was out of town where she reminded me, among other things, to write a thank you letter to my aunt for taking me to Disneyland. And then in a subsequent letter, she asked me about it again, to make sure I'd done it. I know people aren't as formal these days, but a "thank you" still needs to come in some form.

My mother browbeat me into sending out thank you notes after we came home from our honeymoon.

I'm sure you would've done it on your own eventually.

I could swear I've read that it's acceptable to take up to year to get it done. Or is that how long people have to send you a gift after your wedding?

These days I'm sure even an email blast wouldn't upset most people, at least it's something.

Well, needless to say I don't even talk to them anymore. I've moved departments (all 3 of us worked together), and one of them changed their place of employ.

*hugs*
Heck, I wouldn't mind a text saying thank you. But I suppose our friendships are not as great as I thought they were.

Me too. I think that's some archaic rule that dates back to the days of carrier pigeons and the pony express.

I think that Facebook has taken the place of all other forms of communication for a lot of people- is it possible that some kind of generic thank you was sent there by your "friends", Hayven?

It is a bummer that so many simple acts of courtesy and kindness have gone by the wayside with a large number of people today- but I'm glad to hear that there are lots of folks here who agree that these things are important-

Thank you notes are a lovely thing, but not always easy to do when they have hit 'white elephant' status. For the forgetful like myself who are full of good intentions. The answer is to always carry a little booklet of postcards in your handbag or some nice notepad with pretty pages. Then it is easy to draw out a pen and scribble one quickly when there is a moment. Waiting for children in cars is a good time for such or being on a train journey.

At christmas, we used to write a list, then write the thank you letters later... often very much later. I now get my family to sit down with some cards instead and write the actual letter instead of the list. Much more fun when we're all bullying each other before we are allowed to open another present. When we get up to eat, all the letters are written with the true passion and the excitement of the day. We can then sit down in the afternoon with that rosy glow of righteousness. We haven't always done this, but it is catching on. The ones who did, gloating over the ones who didn't.

I've often thought of doing that for dinner parties too and smuggling it somewhere on the way out where the hostess cannot find it immediately, but I have never dared. It is so easy to rudely forget when busy daily life takes over.

Tinctureall, that's both really sweet and engaging for you to do. It's an activity the family does together, and you are being polite in saying your well-thought out thank yous.

Pansylady, I did not get a thank you via Facebook either. One of the ladies put a "thank you for a wonderful wedding" type of status but that was a general one and no one was tagged in it.