...Mother to son : Come on, you'll be late for school.Shan't, came the reply from the bedroom.Why, what's wrong?The teachers hate me and the kids despise me.I'll give you two good reasons why you should go.What are they?One - you're forty-one, and two - you're the headmaster.

...A woman comes back home to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "Have you killing any?" she asks him. "Yep," replies her husband, "two males and two females." "How can you tell?" she says. He replies, "Two were on the beer can and two were on the phone."Edit :@Monsieur We wait until the first thread is opened by Mr. Makawaki : Dolphins are friends!

...The children of a Catholic elementary school were lined up in the canteen for lunch one day. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and stuck it into the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along thr lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Here a child had placed a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."