Knee-slapper Thread

The children of a Catholic elementary school were lined up in the canteen for lunch one day. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and stuck it into the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along thr lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Here a child had placed a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Let's wait how long it takes until there are also some Marty-Threads in English - I suggest the following topics:
- dust
- Gunda Gumsche with wine, storm, Pupsie and other circumstances
...

A woman comes back home to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "Have you killing any?" she asks him. "Yep," replies her husband, "two males and two females." "How can you tell?" she says. He replies, "Two were on the beer can and two were on the phone."
Edit :@Monsieur

We wait until the first thread is opened by Mr. Makawaki : Dolphins are friends!

Mother to son : Come on, you'll be late for school.
Shan't, came the reply from the bedroom.
Why, what's wrong?
The teachers hate me and the kids despise me.
I'll give you two good reasons why you should go.
What are they?
One - you're forty-one, and two - you're the headmaster.

A man went to see the doctor.
Man: "Doc, I'm starting to see spots in front of my eyes".
Doctor: "Have you seen an optician?"
Man: "No, just spots."

youtu.be/K31dYgjgVfY

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too Bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.

Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Sex and Marriage:
When you are newly married, you will have sex everywhere and anywhere at anytime. After you have kids, it is only behind the locked bedroom door when the kids are asleep. When you are retired, the closest you get is when you pass each other in the hallway and say, "F**k you."

Probably a lot of true to that Dlane.

Love that one, Mia.

Warning: Profanity
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l3up4hCjSG1qankvno1 _500.jpg

enjoy
on joy
youtu.be/7lTluZktb1s

(little noisy - down the volume)

Never thought of that!

Awww...