4ajbukoshka

“Wow, what a fraud you are.”
“I expected more after the first impression. Your appearance (!) promised more.”
“Nadja raved about you, saying you would be worth it and that I would like you.”
“But you smell quite strong.”
“A bit too much hairspray, right? Did you go under the lacquer monkeys?”
“Are you an alcoholic?”
“I only took you home because of the lychee. And where is it now?”
“Somehow, I have to think of my foster mother. One of those I didn’t like.”
“You could have shown a bit more endurance; it really wasn’t worth it.”
“The will was there, but nothing more, just a sad excuse for your kind.”
“All natural doesn’t always imply good things.”
“Just wash it off or simply wait the perceived half hour, which probably only lasts two minutes, until it’s over.”
“To forget. I’m sure I’ll find a better one at dm.”
“Next, please. But this time for real.”

Vintage shirt, new phone in hand, self-care app set to automatic point generation, Tshajbukoshka wanders around lost in the area, full of question marks, just wanting to go home and can't see the trees for the forest.
Salem sings along to Taylor's borrowed "a friend to all is a friend to none" and asks Tshajbu why he is so lost and has a dislike for cardigans.
Au contraire!
Tshajbukoshka hates cardigans with small buttons, stretched-out cardigans, tight cardigans, all that don't have batwing sleeves... and with that, we have ushered in the autumn season and wonder whether this Lagerfeld shouldn't rather enjoy its prime time exclusively in spring and summer.
Salem: Prime time? Ha. Ha. I see what you did there. Tshajbukoshka wants to be funny again with such remarks. Tshajbu, why have you never written about Gwen? I would also like to laugh, as I don’t have much of that otherwise.
Tshajbu: Poor Karl doesn’t either. First of all, we don’t just wear sweatpants indoors, secondly, once again we have some pseudo-pleasing, non-offensive, washed-out floral water plastered with his name […]
Salem: He means 'stuck' or 'labeled' and doesn’t subtly express his emotions and opinions enough about it.
Tshajbu: Please don’t interrupt, you miserable whiner. The friendly-fresh floral water could be from Versace, it could be a distant flanker of... hmmm... of what actually? I’ve forgotten, but let’s just take any random thing.
Salem: What does the community say about this? Prada's Paradoxe? Yeah, without that dish soap-like musk note, without a big poke in the top note, at least also without the exaggerated fluffiness […]
Tshajbu: HAH! You love me, I knew it, you’re already talking like me.
Salem: Well. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, right? So how do we categorize this all-flower flanker now?
Tshajbu: Like Taylor's politics before she launched her "Cat Lady for Kamala" campaign. I would say Karl doesn’t smell cheap, doesn’t disturb, doesn’t impose with monster sillage and neither annexes spaces nor countries. That brings us to Sophie, the educator, who wants to fit in everywhere and speak to everyone’s liking because her policy of appeasement is more important to her than any sign of integrity. We would be with wearers who like it floral-fresh and tend to be unobtrusive […]
Salem: How intellectually unobtrusive Tshajbu is. That should say it all. Meow! Why does my extended back suddenly hurt so much?!
Tshajbu: goes off to search for a non-existent cardigan and would like to note that the concept named after Karl of Rome or for that matter 'heavenly love' is almost as far-fetched as the connections in Tshajbukoshka's thoughts.

Omnipotence leads to the question of what possessed us again after more than two sprays have found their way out of the handy, stylish bottle.
Wrongdoers are already being smoked out at the threshold, and thanks here goes solely to the patch, because violence is not a solution, so hands up or I’ll spray you with the verbal axe club in the scent field.
Please call PETA to spray red crosses with graffiti and stop this fashion barbarism, because those who know better and still wear first-hand leather jackets in 2025 surely want to risk being canceled by the pseudo-green mob.
Rough and unfriendly seems the climate here - but have you ever been to Baden-Württemberg?
Elegant as toddlers in ballerinas and fries eating with their fingers, so that not everyone, but at least some encounters make your mouth water.
Bibs are provided preventively, but probably so that no one permanently ruins their clothes (for the future and other things).
We are emancipated enough (in dreams) that no one has to push the tube to make themselves heard.
Age-, mood-, and season-dependent interpretative space, which is always a statement - like the axe in the woods or “Dad’s car always smells like that,” thanks to your daddy issues.
Tshajbukoshka would like to one day be the CEO of her own thoughts and actions, but until then relies on the ‘fake it till you make it’ approach.
The hammer sillage from Berlin to Stuttgart announces itself more reliably than the ICE that travels this route.
Somewhat flatter than a baby wading pool is probably the message that shaded leather is supposed to convey here.
Smoky, as Tshajbukoshka perceives nearly everything that contains patchouli in more than homeopathic doses, yet sweet and almost friendly, this rather minimalist leather comes across, whose transformation and adaptability probably come most from its wearers of all ages and sizes.
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PS: Before you send chairs and ropes to her address, Tshajbukoshka wants to let the appointed executors know that she wishes "When I’m gone" to be played at her funeral.
Thanks for reading. The time wasted for this is non-refundable.

Salem: Oh, what do my eyes see there?
- One of the new releases from La Rive.
Since Tshajbukoshka has not sworn off the house despite all disappointments and is trying with charisma, where she […]
Salem: None has!
…hasn't particularly impressed by Prada's model, is […]
Salem: Not worth mentioning, but Tshajbukoshka reports it anyway, as reliable as Deutsche Bahn and Tshajbukoshka with deadlines, that is five minutes late, for all who needed an explanation. What do we have here in this heavy bottle? Wow. Quality glass? Rounded corners? Squeaky plastic cap? Surely, this is how we all imagined charisma. Not. I, Salem, the embodiment of charisma, am personally here, which is why an E was used. Charisma vs. Charisme, that is very important.
- Huh? I thought that was just French? As a reference to the reference?
Salem: Nonsense. And now let me add my ketchup in peace, unworthy ones! Let’s not do it like Tshajbukoshka, but get straight to the point without a hundred detours. Well. This paradoxical, so CharismE, without freshness in the top note, comes across as pseudo-ambery, which may lead testers and advocates of the same to use both the Polish copycat […]
- I see what you did here, hehe.
Salem: AS WELL AS their Emma-Watson-faced model like the Michelin connection of universal all-weather tires. The white florals here, on the other hand, don’t care much for subtlety, but rather hit you with their character right in your face. You might as well send them to anti-aggression training, if they weren’t a bit friendlier, a bit less sweetened with sweetener, and didn’t slowly seek the distance after just a few hours.
Since fabric softener is banned in the house of Tshajbukoshka, because my sensitive cat nose has enough to endure with Tshajbukoshka and the environment surely does too, and one can always spare a heart for clean scents, the question ultimately arises whether it wouldn’t be a bit of charisma on the clothing. I therefore waver between blasphemy and madness, but I think this(!) gift here should rather be returned.
So off it goes to the pile of unloved Christmas gifts, of which we all surely have plenty together, but hopefully individually less than Tshajbukoshka.
- The attack wasn’t necessary, I thank Salem for the reminder. So we agree that this dupe isn’t poorly done, but we can’t really find much joy in either the original or the copy? Have you ever tried washing it off?
Salem: I have paws, but yes. If I wash it off relatively shortly after applying, a musky, rather pleasantly vanillic base remains. So you’re welcome! Meet me all at midnight or around 2:47 AM, when I shove this new block towards the ground because I remembered that I’m hungry and can just do it.

2017 in winter, with styled hair,
fresh out of the shower, how wonderful!
If there had been Talahons,
he would have been one,
in the year that blessed us with ‘Stronger with you’ and ‘Bad Intense’.
Here the bottle like a BMW
almost black-matte
and with dents,
a bit too deep,
thankfully without stench,
its breath sweet like cinnamon and embers,
it douses itself in with this devil's spawn!
It starts to stick,
it starts to scream,
could it really have been that?
2017, we say it mildly,
folks, this thing was differently wild!
Apparently, the little people dreamed,
to be guests in Charlie's chocolate factory.
They mixed the sweet stuff everywhere,
so please keep your distance, oh man, oh no!
It doesn't stop sticking,
it won't go away,
it clings stubbornly like dirt under your shoes,
we smell cinnamon, suspect lime,
it's not in there - we know it, Annette!
You could also douse yourself with this,
but we rather advise you to sneak away with it
- in 2017, that's where you belong too
or at least where I am not right now.

Dearest, Salem, who definitely finds his black fur more beautiful and points out that cats don't wear perfume because their scent is perfection.

Tshajbukoshka and he are currently arguing about the rating. Salem has prevailed with 6 points, while Tshajbukoshka would like to give him a higher rating because the sweet part at least somewhat enters Tshajbuterritory (even though in the background there’s still shower gel/aftershave involved and that doesn’t meet with charity in the Salem-Koshka household), however, she is currently feeling nauseous and hasn’t figured out whether it’s due to the ‘Bad Intense’ that she unusually sprayed on herself for the review or if it’s rather the clan pack of sweets in her belly.